Chapter 1

The day the plant handed out housing, everyone assumed my husband and I would finally move out of the leaking old walk-up.

But when the list went up, the name on our new apartment belonged to his dead friend's widow.

Chester Weiss said Darlene Ramsey had it hard, raising a child alone, and that it wouldn't kill us to wait a few more years.

I reminded him I was seven months pregnant.

The walls of the old building were cracking, and even the doctor had told me I couldn't keep climbing six flights of stairs.

His face darkened. He decided I wasn't thinking about it the right way.

"Her man died saving me. Taking care of her is the least I can do."

I'd been hearing that line for eight years.

My job placement, given to her. My baby's milk rations, split with her.

Even the survivor's benefits my father left behind — he took those to pay for her son's medical care.

That night the rain came down hard, the stairwell gave way, and I fell into the standing water.

I lost the baby.

By the time Chester rushed in, he was still making excuses for Darlene.

I lay in the hospital bed and signed the transfer papers to the Northwest.

……

I'd only just signed them when the door to the room burst open.

Chester walked in soaked to the bone.

"Clarissa."

He said my name, his face gone pale.

I didn't look at him. I only stared at the yellowed patch of ceiling above me.

Seeing how pale I was, something like panic and helplessness finally crossed his face.

"Clarissa, the baby… the doctor said the baby's gone?"

He reached out to take my hand.

I pulled away coldly and slid the transfer papers under my pillow.

"Yes. Gone."

His whole body stiffened. He pressed his hands over his face in pain.

"I'm sorry, Clarissa, I really didn't know the stairs would collapse. The power went out over at Darlene's, she was alone with Barnaby Clayton and so scared she wouldn't stop crying, and then Barnaby spiked a fever, kept crying for his Uncle Chester, and I…"

"So you thought you could just leave your seven-months-pregnant wife alone in a condemned building?"

I cut him off, a mocking twist at the corner of my mouth.

"Chester, so Darlene's son running a fever matters more than the life of your own flesh and blood. If you love her that much, why don't you just marry her? Why drag me in to be the stepping-stone under your little romance?"

"Clarissa Swanson! What kind of nonsense is that!"

He raised his voice, trying to cover for the guilt underneath.

But when it met my cold stare, his tone softened again.

"I swore an oath to look after Darlene and her boy for the rest of my life! You've always been so reasonable. How did you turn this cruel?"

"I'm heartbroken about the baby too, but we're still young, you can recover and we can have another. Do you really have to throw a fit right now?"

I looked at him, and suddenly I laughed.

Eight years ago, the first time he brought Darlene and her son home, he'd asked me to be gracious too.

Every time I didn't want to, he told me he'd make it up to me someday.

So it turned out his someday meant me carrying another child.

As if the one that died was only a stroke of bad luck.

Footsteps sounded outside.

Darlene stood in the doorway holding her son Barnaby by the hand, her eyes red and swollen, a food thermos in her other hand.

"I'm so sorry… it's all my fault. If I hadn't been so frightened, if I hadn't insisted on calling Chester, your baby would never have—"

Tears rolled down as she spoke, as if she were the one who'd been wronged.

"Don't call me his wife. It turns my stomach."

I pushed myself up on my weak body and pointed at the door. "Take your little bastard and get out."

"Clarissa Swanson!"

At that Chester's face darkened, and he instinctively stepped in front of Darlene.

"Darlene meant well, she cooked chicken soup and came all this way to see you, and this is how you talk to her? Barnaby's just a child. Who are you calling a bastard!"

"I told her to get out!"

Watching him stand there like that, I grabbed the glass off the nightstand and hurled it at the doorframe.

The shatter of glass made Darlene shriek and throw herself straight into Chester's arms.

He held her tight, and the look he turned on me was full of disgust.

"Clarissa Swanson, you're impossible, like some shrew! Cool down and pull yourself together. I'll come see you tomorrow!"

With that, he shielded Darlene and her son and turned to leave.