Chapter 2

2: 2

While Martin was off picking up his medication, I pulled up Lois's photos and covered the lower half of her face.

No matter how I compared it to my own, it didn't really match.

The voice matched even less.

For a moment I couldn't tell whether the "girlfriend" Martin had described at the end was me or Lois.

That night, back home,

I couldn't stop myself from sinking onto the couch and rewatching the videos of Annie and Angel.

Back then I'd just graduated, living alone in the sprawling sea of New York.

The pressure from home, the exhaustion of work, the private chaos of being on my own.

If it hadn't been for Annie and Angel keeping me company, my depression probably would have swallowed me whole.

They'd nudge me with their fuzzy little heads, roll over and show me their bellies just to make me smile.

And yet I…

Yes, Martin had paid for a boarding place with excellent conditions.

But that didn't change the fact that I'd given them up for love.

My hands started trembling, a symptom I hadn't felt in years.

Before I knew it, I was slapping myself hard across the face.

Martin lunged forward and caught my hands.

"Barbara, what's gotten into you?"

He'd taken a strong antihistamine, and his face had mostly returned to normal, just a little flushed.

When his eyes caught the two kittens on the phone screen, a flicker of guilt passed through them.

"Aw, so you've just been missing Annie and Angel."

"If you miss them, then go visit them at the boarding place. I'll go with you."

"Just, these next few days are too busy. Give it a little while."

He drew me into his arms.

He was still wearing the black sweater from the clinic that morning, only he'd cleaned it up carefully, brushed off most of the cat fur.

Still, I found a few strands of it on the back.

Over all these years, I'd missed those two cats plenty.

Sometimes I'd have wanted to go see them three times in a single day.

And every time, Martin would smile and go with me.

"My girlfriend gave up so much for me. The least I can do is take her to see her cats."

Back then, that still moved me.

"Martin…"

I slowly pulled free of his arms and looked up at him.

"I don't want to just visit them anymore. I want to… bring them home."

The smile in his eyes slowly faded.

"Don't worry, I'd never let the cats near you. I know you're allergic. Look how big the place is. I'll partition off a separate space just for them."

"I promise I'll clean it every single day. You won't have to lift a finger. I won't let a single strand of fur drift onto you."

When I finished, I met his cold, impatient expression again.

Like he was looking at a fool.

Only then did it hit me how ridiculous I sounded.

"Barbara, haven't we been over this a long time ago?"

"Your feelings against my health, is that even a comparison worth making?"

"And besides, your job keeps you so busy. In the end it'd all come down to me taking care of them anyway, wouldn't it?"

Every word I'd meant to say caught in my throat.

I wanted to demand answers, wanted to scream.

But the facts were already laid out plain. There was no point making a scene.

No surprise there.

That night, a cold war broke out between Martin and me.

"Barbara, don't be so unreasonable."

He moved into the guest room.

And I lay in bed tossing and turning, my head full of the way Martin looked when the cat fur set off his allergy.

And the way my coworkers at the clinic had talked.

"What kind of love could make a man risk his own life like that?"

"That girl must have saved the world in a past life. She'd have to be one incredible woman!"

I stared at the ceiling until dawn.

Finally I pulled out my phone and opened a chat window that had been silent for a very long time.

【Maybe… is it too late for me to come find you now?】

Almost instantly, the phone showed: the other person is typing…

【It's never too late.】

Another minute passed.

【Have you… been through something painful?】