Chapter 1

1: 1

At ten weeks, the pregnancy stalled.

My mother-in-law, who had always been so warm with me, turned cold in an instant and left me at the hospital to fend for myself.

By the time I came home from the miscarriage, she had a list ready for me. Ten charges.

"Everyone knows electronics are bad for the baby. If you hadn't been glued to your phone the whole time, the baby would still be here."

"You dated all those men before. Were you sleeping around, wearing your body out, and that's why my grandson couldn't hold on?"

"If you ask me, my grandson didn't want to stay in your belly because you refused to change your name to something like 'Son-Bearer.'"

The more she talked, the uglier it got.

"A perfectly good grandson, gone. If your family doesn't put up a million dollars to compensate my son, we're done with you."

I couldn't help but push back.

"The prenatal reports already said it. There's nothing wrong with me. Mom, you can't be unreasonable and pin everything on me."

Hearing that, my husband, Benjamin Vance, snapped. He slapped me across the face and said he was going to teach me how to be a wife and a daughter-in-law.

I slapped him right back.

"A piece of trash whose sperm are only four percent normally formed. Your seed's the problem, and you're blaming me?"

"You think I owe you respect? Fine. Divorce!"

...

I'd come in for a checkup. The doctor ran the cold probe back and forth across my belly, staring at the image on the screen, her expression heavy.

Both my mother-in-law and I felt something was wrong.

My mother-in-law went pale and grabbed the edge of the desk.

"Doctor, is there something wrong with my grandson? We want to save him!"

Something in me turned to ice. I looked at her, unable to believe it.

She wasn't paying me any attention at all, her eyes locked on the doctor.

The doctor seemed to have confirmed it. She set the probe down.

"Ms. Sheridan, I'm sorry. There's no clear fetal heartbeat."

"In plain terms, the embryo has stopped developing."

It hit me like a lightning strike.

How could a perfectly healthy baby just stop developing?

I couldn't accept it. I wanted to ask what had caused it.

But my mother-in-law blew up first.

"What do you mean? My grandson doesn't have a heartbeat? Then save him!"

The doctor had clearly seen plenty of cases like this. She explained patiently.

"The pregnancy has stalled. There's nothing left to save. What we have to consider now is the miscarriage, and the sooner it's done, the better for the mother."

My mother-in-law wouldn't give up.

"Doctor, if we let the baby stay in there a while longer, could it turn around? I'll go home and give my grandson a folk remedy, find a spiritual healer to take a look..."

She clung to the doctor, going on and on.

The doctor was worn thin by her. I tried to pull her away and got a fierce glare for it.

When she heard my mother-in-law say she'd have me drink blessed water, the doctor finally went cold and had to spell it out bluntly.

"The pregnancy has stalled. How many times do I have to say it? The baby has no vital signs. What's in there now is just a lifeless mass of tissue. It's bad for her body, and it needs to come out."

My mother-in-law finally understood the baby couldn't be saved.

Her face went cold toward me in a flash, and she jabbed a finger at me, cursing.

"Can't even hold on to a baby. My family, the Vances, marrying you was the worst luck we ever had!"

Cursing all the way, she dumped me there and swept off.

Facing her about-face, I felt the humiliation of it.

There was only me now. All I could do was force myself to stay calm.

"Dr. Chavez, all my prenatal checkups were normal before this. My preconception reports prove there's nothing wrong with my body, too."

I handed over the thick stack of preconception reports, and I set my husband's on top as well.

"These are my six sex hormones, AMH, the seven thyroid function tests, the routine gynecological exam, the vaginal ultrasound, HPV..."

Dr. Chavez looked at the stack, clearly thicker than most people's, and started reading it seriously.

When it came to getting pregnant, I had been serious about it.

You could say I hadn't just done the standard preconception screening. I'd paid out of pocket for quite a few extra tests on top of it.

I just didn't understand. I'd made all this preparation, all of it just to bring a life into the world, so how could the pregnancy have stalled?

Dr. Chavez went through them page by page. Reading mine took a good while.

When she got to my husband's, three thin sheets, she glanced at them once and set them down.

"Ms. Sheridan, I understand how you feel. A stalled pregnancy can be caused by many factors. I've read your reports. You're very healthy, and there's nothing wrong with your husband, either."

"All I can say is that the timing just wasn't right."

I went through the miscarriage alone at the hospital, with no idea a storm had already been building at home, waiting for me.