Chapter 4

"I won't allow it!"

I lunged for the consent form, but a security guard caught me from behind.

Patrick handed the signed papers to the nurse.

"Prep him now."

I kicked and thrashed until the guard's grip cut a raw line into my wrist.

"Patrick, Leslie still has a fever! He's only five. You've already killed Sophie. Are you going to put him on that table too?"

At last he looked at me.

"It's just a routine marrow draw. Irvin can't wait any longer. I can't stand by and watch him die!"

"And Leslie? What about your son!"

He didn't answer. He shut his eyes.

The guard dragged me into the family waiting room and locked the door from outside. I pounded on the glass, watching them wheel Leslie out.

He was swallowed up in an oversized surgical gown, his face frighteningly pale, and when he saw me he still tried to lift his hand.

"Mom, after this draw, Sophie can come back, right?"

I shook my head as hard as I could through the glass.

"Leslie, don't go! Sophie can't come back. Mom just wants you to come back!"

He froze, and the tears spilled over.

"Then why did Dad say if I'm brave one more time, Sophie will forgive me from heaven?"

Leslie wiped his eyes and turned it around to comfort me instead.

"Don't cry, Mom. After this one draw we'll go home, and I'll protect you from now on."

But the surgical bed kept rolling forward.

Patrick heard those words, and his steps stopped.

It felt like the last hope in the world, and I threw everything I had into hitting the glass.

"Please, leave him here! I'll agree to anything. I'll apologize to Melanie, I won't press the matter of Sophie's marrow, I just want Leslie alive!"

But Melanie came rushing out of the ward and dropped to her knees in front of him.

"Patrick, Irvin's almost gone!"

Patrick closed his eyes and finally waved the nurse on.

When the operating room door shut, I grabbed a chair and swung it at the glass, again and again.

On the third swing, the glass finally cracked.

The shards sliced my arm and my palm, and I ran through my own blood. Before I even reached the operating room, the frantic sound of resuscitation had already started inside.

"BP's dropping!"

"Massive bleeding, transfuse him now!"

I threw myself at the door and a nurse held me back with all her strength.

Patrick hurried over, and for the first time there was panic on his face.

"That's not possible! It was only a marrow draw. Nothing could happen to Leslie!"

Half an hour later, Dr. Dickerson came out of the operating room and pulled down his mask.

"I'm sorry, Leslie's mom. We couldn't save him."

I shoved past him and rushed in.

Leslie lay quietly on the bed, his chest no longer rising and falling, the hero's badge Sophie had given him still clutched in his hand.

I gathered him into my arms, and no matter how I held him, I couldn't warm him.

Patrick stood in the doorway, his voice shaking.

"Stephanie, I didn't mean for him to die. I only wanted to save Irvin. This was just an accident!"

Irvin! Irvin! What did Melanie's child ever have to do with me!

I broke completely, and I turned and set Sophie's and Leslie's death confirmations down in front of him.

"You saved Melanie's child twice, and you killed both of your own children. Patrick, I hate you. I will never forgive you as long as I live. You and Melanie, you're going to answer for my children's deaths!"

"I will not let you get away with this! I won't!"

Melanie came after me, crying, urging him to send me to psych first so I wouldn't blow the whole thing up.

Patrick didn't stop her. He let it stand.

I held Leslie one last time and slipped out of the hospital while they argued.

The wind was strong on the great river bridge.

By the time Patrick caught up, I was already standing outside the railing. He reached his hand out to me, still thinking I was forcing him to back down.

"Stephanie, come back. Don't threaten me with your life! If you die, both children are gone for good!"

I let the two death confirmations go into the wind and looked at them with all my longing.

"You used Sophie to save Irvin once, then you used Leslie to save him a second time. Patrick, I have nothing left, and I owe you nothing now."

His face went white, and he rushed at me.

I let go, and fell backward into the river.

The last thing I saw was him kneeling at the railing, holding nothing but a torn, blood-stained sleeve.