Chapter 4

Maybe it was to prove his so-called therapy was working. This time Rex insisted on coming with me to the prenatal checkup, and nothing I said could talk him out of it.

I sat in Rex's car. He'd owned it three years, and I still didn't know how to work the windows, because I'd ridden in it so few times.

I couldn't ride if I was carrying food, not even bread still sealed in its wrapper. Because of that rule I used to go to work on an empty stomach, and only after I fainted from low blood sugar did he let it go.

I couldn't ride if I'd been sweating. I couldn't ride if it had been more than three days since I'd showered. I couldn't ride if I'd put on makeup. And rain or snow was completely out of the question.

Then the car stopped. A woman pulled open the passenger door like she'd done it a hundred times, full face of careful makeup, a breakfast sandwich in her hand. One look and I knew her: the therapist.

"Oh, sorry, I forgot your wife was in here. Rex, honestly, just take her to her checkup. Skip driving me one day, it's no big deal."

Rex smiled. "Get in already. I wanted her to see the results of your treatment."

"I've always had faith in you. But I'm not going to the hospital today. I've got a private session at a patient's home, so you'll have to go a little out of your way."

The smell of her breakfast sandwich filled the sealed car, thick and inescapable, while I sat there still dutifully obeying Rex's no-food rule, my empty stomach turning until I wanted to gag.

"Pull over. I'll take the subway. I get carsick!" My shout made Rex slam on the brakes.

The woman spoke up from the back seat. "Rex, just take her first, her appointment time's almost up. I'll grab a cab."

Rex unlocked the doors. "Don't move. Since when does she get carsick?" He frowned at me. "Either drop the attitude and sit still, or get out."

"I'm getting out!"

I hadn't even found my footing before Rex's car sped off.

It was the morning rush. There wasn't even room to stand on the subway, so I pressed myself as far to the side as I could, keeping anyone from crushing my belly.

By the time I finally reached the hospital, the nausea had only gotten worse. I forced it down and handed over my insurance card to register, only for the nurse in front of me to say, "Ma'am, your file isn't with us. You should be going to the city women's hospital."

I asked, anxious, "Are you sure you didn't misread it? I've done every checkup here since I got pregnant."

"Let me check for you. Your file was transferred out by a family member. A Rex."

I dug out my phone and called Rex. "You transferred my file?"

"Ah, you left in such a hurry this morning I forgot to mention it." There was a note of apology in his voice. "That old hospital had terrible sanitation. The city women's hospital is better."

My hand shook with rage around the phone. "What gives you the right to transfer my file? You never came to a single checkup, because you thought it wasn't clean, so every time it was just me running up and down those halls alone. And now, with one word about it not being clean, I have to trek from the East Side to the West Side. Have you thought about me, even once?"

"Daphne, you've been throwing tantrums since this morning. I transferred your file for your own safety. Calm down and we'll talk."

The busy signal buzzed in my ear. The dizziness came on so hard I could barely stay upright, and I braced myself against the hospital wall and sank onto a bench.

"Ma'am, what's wrong?" A nurse hurried over.

I could hardly get the words out. "Haven't eaten… breakfast… low blood sugar…"

Only after I drank the glucose water the nurse brought did the spinning slowly stop.

"Ma'am, where's your family? This is dangerous, and you're pregnant. Where's your husband?"

I pulled out my phone. "Sorry, could you make a call for me? I'm still a little dizzy. There's a note in my contacts."

The nurse nodded. The first call rang until it was cut off, unanswered. The second rang twice and was hung up.

I gave the nurse an apologetic smile. "He's probably busy. I'll call again in a bit myself."

Outside the sky was overcast, dark as evening even though it was midday.

Once my strength slowly came back, I called Rex again. I was used to handling everything alone, but I couldn't make the baby take that risk with me.

By some luck the call went through this time, and a woman's voice came from the other end.

"Rex, your phone keeps ringing. You don't need to get that?"

"Just hit ignore for me. Daphne's being completely impossible right now. She only calls to pick fights."

It was that Simone and Rex, with the sound of a running shower behind them.

Maybe I'd ached for too long. This time I got up calmly and went to the nurses' station to thank the nurse from before.

"Oh, are you heading home alone? The weather's bad, it's going to rain any minute."

"My husband's waiting for me right outside."

I lied. I didn't know how to explain that a woman's husband was in another woman's shower while she was at her prenatal checkup. I didn't know how to explain that my husband had a cleanliness compulsion and never came to pick me up on rainy days. All I could do was try to get home before the rain.

The kind of thing anyone would call absurd if they heard it, and it was happening to me.

Walking out the hospital doors, I sent Rex a text.

"The divorce papers are at your company's front desk."

"Sign them as soon as you can."