Chapter 1

My mother-in-law was frugal to the bone, and above all she could not stand to see me enjoy anything.

I took a shower, she cut the power. I turned on the AC, she hid the remote. I put soup on to simmer, she pulled the plug. The new place I'd finished decorating, she piled full of junk.

She even smothered a whole tank of betta fish I'd raised so carefully, dead, and cost me over a hundred thousand overnight.

I lost my temper and shouted at her, and she put on that innocent, pitiful, fragile little face.

"I didn't know, I don't understand any of this. Isn't it all for the good of this family? Is it wrong to help you save a little money?"

Fine, fine, fine.

I didn't say anything. I swallowed the whole rotten mouthful of it and apologized.

The next day she climbed into someone else's smart car to grab a discarded water bottle, and the car locked remotely and trapped her inside.

The heat, well over a hundred degrees, steamed her into a panic. She slapped at the windows for all she was worth, begging passersby for help, and I stopped them.

"Oh no, you can't smash that car window! My mother-in-law's always been so thrifty. If breaking this window means she has to pay for it, that would just about kill her."

...

"Then what do we do? In this heat, it's got to be over a hundred and ten in there, a person could die!"

The security guard was hopping with panic, terrified she'd die in the area he was responsible for.

I had no idea how long she'd been shut in that car.

All I knew was that she still wouldn't let go of the bag of junk she'd been collecting.

She kept hitting the window, kept yelling at me, but the soundproofing on that smart car was so good I couldn't hear a thing.

I ignored her, and copied her own act, laying it on thick for the guard.

"You can't break it! Whatever you do, don't break this window. Whoever breaks it has to pay, and a smart car worth hundreds of thousands, one window is not cheap."

"You don't know my mother-in-law, she's famous for saving every penny. She runs the house so tight she won't spend a cent. If she found out she had to pay for a broken window, she'd rather die than live through it."

"You'd all better ease up, wait a bit longer, get the owner over to open the door. My mother-in-law still looks pretty steady to me, she can hold on a little longer!"

The moment he heard about paying, the delivery kid who'd just picked up a rock froze mid-swing.

He dropped the rock on the ground, snapped right back to his senses, and decided he didn't want to play the good samaritan anymore.

"I'm not smashing anything. I've seen this lady before, she really is a stingy penny-pincher. Once she's out, she'll probably turn around and blame me."

"You don't know, I deliver to this complex all the time, and every single time she finds some new way to squeeze money out of me. Never lets one go."

The kid gave a snort, hopped on his electric scooter, and rode off.

That left the rest of us standing around, staring at each other.

Honestly I did want to teach her a lesson, one she'd remember for a long time, but I still had to keep up appearances, so I made a show of being frantic, pacing outside the car and pestering everyone for word on the owner.

Good news: the owner had been found.

Bad news: the owner was away on a business trip.

The owner had a splitting headache too. He'd just boarded the express train, already crossed the state line, and nearly lost it when he got the call about needing to open his car door.

Before going through the ticket gate he'd remembered the door wasn't locked, so he'd locked it remotely while still in-state.

Now he was on the train, already across the state line, and the remote unlock no longer worked. It wouldn't open no matter what he tried.

He'd only just bought the car, and he wasn't willing to have a death happen in it even over one broken window, so he firmly agreed to let the guard smash the glass.

"Break it! Break it now! What's a car window compared to a person's life? You don't have to pay for the window, just save the person and save my car!"

Hearing that, the guard's mind eased, and he picked the rock back up off the ground.

Seeing this, my mother-in-law waved her hands wildly inside the car in terror, mouthing something I couldn't make out, and pointed at her own mouth.

I knew what she meant. She was saying she was hot and thirsty. But I pretended not to see, and deliberately twisted her meaning.

"Oh no! You can't break it! My mother-in-law's saying that if the glass hurts her, she'll make you pay for it!"