Chapter 4

Because I hated having my mind too foggy, I asked Elliot to switch me to a different treatment.

But the price of a clear mind was pain.

Constant, endless pain.

On Friday, I forced my body upright and asked a nurse at the hospital to take me downstairs.

Stephanie had told me that every Friday was Madison's prenatal checkup day.

And on that day, Sebastian would come along with her.

So early in the morning I waited on a bench in the park downstairs, hoping to see him one more time.

I missed him so much.

Just one glimpse of him from afar would be enough. I wasn't greedy.

A long-dormant part of my heart stirred with a flicker of joy I hadn't felt in ages.

From far off, I saw a familiar Maybach pull up at the hospital entrance.

Madison, her belly already showing, slowly got out of the car with his support.

Madison smiled and said something, and Sebastian leaned in, listening carefully, her bag still in his hand.

The man had broad shoulders and long legs; the woman was tall and slender.

To anyone watching, they were a loving, well-matched young couple, easy on the eyes.

As they gradually walked farther away, I pushed myself up on shaky legs, wanting one more look at his back.

But I didn't notice the trash can beside me, and I tripped and fell hard to the ground.

Madison turned, pointed at me, and said, "Sebastian, there seems to be someone over there."

Sebastian looked over too.

My heart lurched. I tried to stand on my own, but no matter what I did, I couldn't get up.

A moment later, Sebastian strode over and helped me up off the ground.

I stared blankly at his face, my lips moving without a word, not knowing how to explain.

Madison came over too, her face full of concern. "Are you all right, miss?"

She didn't recognize me.

Sebastian bent down, picked up the hat from the ground, and handed it to me, his eyes calm and still.

"Your hat."

Even Sebastian, who had been with me for ten years, didn't recognize me as Hope.

What I saw in their eyes was the same expression as everyone else's, a faint, vague pity.

I didn't know whether to feel sorrow or relief.

I took the hat from his hand and stumbled away.

Sebastian watched my departing figure, deep in thought.

He remembered that helping that girl up just now had been no different from lifting a feather.

Did she even weigh forty pounds anymore?

Madison sighed. "She doesn't look very old. Girls love to look pretty, and turning into something like that, she must be suffering."

Sebastian's thoughts drifted. "Will I become like that before long too?"

A flicker of unease crossed Madison's face.

Standing where she could see the whole picture, she knew that Sebastian wasn't sick at all.

"Even if you did end up like that, Hope would never see it."

Sebastian lowered his eyes. "You're right."

She tugged at Sebastian's sleeve.

"Let's not talk about this anymore. Let's go get your checkup first."

Sebastian gathered himself and went into the hospital with Madison.

Back in my room, I couldn't hold it in any longer, and I broke down sobbing.

All my life I'd been called the kid everyone else was measured against.

Whenever anyone mentioned me, their faces held only admiration and awe.

A woman without a single flaw, a favored child of heaven.

But now the person in the full-length mirror had shriveled, withered limbs, with only her belly swollen high, her face a sallow gray, her eye sockets deeply sunken, like a walking mummy.

Not a trace of what I used to be was left.

It was the first time I'd broken down since I fell ill.

My best friend rushed over when she heard, and she pulled me into her arms, her heart breaking.

"Hope, I'm here, I'm here!"

I cried until I was spent and passed out.

After that day, it was as if all the energy had been drained out of me, and my body went into a rapid decline.

The pain kept me from sleeping all day and all night, and Elliot had no choice but to secretly increase the dose of my painkillers.

I spent more time in a fog than lucid.

I don't know how long I drifted in that daze, but suddenly I recognized the person at my bedside.

"Stephanie, is it snowing?"

Stephanie grasped my hand, her face lighting up.

"Hope, you're awake?"

She lifted me into the wheelchair, and I looked out at the snow.

"It's already winter."

With tears in her eyes, she answered, "Yes, the first snow of this winter."

My eyelids grew heavier and heavier, and it was as if we both knew something in our hearts.

She crouched down and held me tightly, and in her arms I said my last words.

"Take good care of yourself."

On the first snow of that winter, I quietly left this world.

The next afternoon, Madison stood on the balcony gazing tenderly at the prenatal report in her hand.

The phone rang, and she answered.

Whatever the other end said, her smiling face froze in an instant.

After a long silence, Madison spoke first.

"What date is the funeral set for?"

"The thirteenth."

"Okay, I understand."

Sebastian pushed the door open and came in carrying water.

He set the warm water on the coffee table and asked with a frown.

"A funeral? Whose funeral?"