Chapter 4

Fabian tipped his chin toward the door, telling Wayne he was free to go.

I hadn't been out a full day, and already one thing was clear to me.

If three years ago the Taylors had still held themselves in check,

then the Taylors now could do whatever they pleased in the port city.

I didn't stop Fabian.

Better that Wayne leave after a round of humiliation than get himself tangled in this again.

I watched him walk away.

Behind me, Fabian pinched my waist.

The gesture on his hand was punishing, but the words out of his mouth came with a coaxing edge.

"Happy? I hear a girl likes it when she sees an ex and finds out he's not doing well."

I put away my worry for Wayne and turned a cold face on Fabian.

"That one doesn't apply to me."

His face went cold in the same instant.

He gripped my chin and forced my head up to look at him.

"Gladys, you know what I'm angry about?"

"It's not that you still carry a torch for him."

"What makes me angry is that trash like him, and you actually can't let go?"

"A dog like that, if you really want one, I'll find you a dozen, let you play until you're sick of it."

I saw the contempt clear in his eyes.

I asked back, almost amused,

"Then what about me?"

"To you, aren't I just like Wayne, a dog of a thing too?"

"Should I be grateful to you as well, thank you for enjoying yourself so much playing with me?"

His fingers traced lightly across my cheek.

"Yeah. So I'm a real bastard."

He turned me by the waist and pinned me against the wall.

Another storm swept over me.

This time I bit Fabian's neck raw with hatred, clawed his back open.

Afterward, he lit a cigarette.

He blew out a long, satisfied stream of smoke, then handed the cigarette to me.

He said,

"Let's start over. All right?"

"We'll act like none of it ever happened. We start over."

I lay limp in his arms and nodded without a sound.

7

On the way back, I lay against Fabian's chest.

This starting over he wanted was in no way him letting me off.

Lucky for me, I hadn't planned on begging either.

I hadn't forgotten.

Wayne, me, Fabian, none of us was ever supposed to end up like this.

"That business back then, it left a bad taste."

"If we really are starting over, Fabian, then let's start a whole new round."

"This time, we play it well."

I looked out at the busy traffic streaming past outside the port city.

But in the corner of my eye I could clearly see the light flare up in Fabian's eyes.

He raised an eyebrow.

Then turned it around and tried to talk me out of it.

He said the risk was too high, the Taylors were nearly clean by now, no need to gamble.

"Don't think I don't know. You want to drag me down into it with you."

Fabian tapped my forehead.

He let me lean my whole weight against him.

This was a probing they both understood for what it was.

"Fabian, I'm dirty. This life of mine will never come clean again."

I waved my hand in front of him.

"These hands have eleven lives on them."

"The one to blame is you."

"I hate you."

"But right now you're the only one who can really take me in."

We were so close that Fabian's breath spilled over my neck.

It tickled.

The moment I said I hated him, his laugh was far too plain.

Fabian was waiting for the rest of it.

But right up until our car pulled to a stop, I didn't open my mouth again.

We held there a while, and then Fabian hauled me out of the car and gave in.

He said fine, he'd take it.

He'd play along.

8

That line was exactly what I'd been waiting for.

But I didn't move fast.