Chapter 1

Zach Shaw and I had been in a long-distance relationship for four years when his study partner, Amy Lewis, appeared in the frame during our video call.

Amy pursed her lips together and said, "Megan, Zach still hasn't finished today's homework yet."

I froze. I had just wanted to say we would only talk for ten minutes when Amy cut in again. "By the way, I filtered out the celebrity gossip you sent him today. He gets distracted as soon as he sees it, and he's only half as effective then."

She tilted her head and then said in an innocent tone. "You won't blame me for meddling, will you?"

Zach looked down and flipped through his book without saying anything.

I was once again stunned. I thought of the sunset photos, the street food stalls, and the pictures of new dresses I had sent him, the ones he had never answered. She had cleared them all away.

A heavy weight settled in my chest.

Zach finally raised his hand. "Amy helps me sort my messages. It's a good thing."

Amy leaned closer to the screen and lowered her voice. "I heard you only scored 1,200 on the SAT, but Zach scored 1,400..."

She paused, as if she was figuring out her words. "He always says he wants to go to grad school in the same city as you, but your scores are so far apart. He has to lower his standards for you."

Then, she stepped back to Zach's side and patted his shoulder. "Work hard. I'm here with you."

Zach looked up and nodded at her. His expression was soft and natural, as if they had already gotten used to standing next to each other.

My throat tightened, and I felt my chest slowly becoming tighter and tighter.

"Get some rest, then," I said as I forced myself to keep my pride and ended the call.

My phone screen still showed the last message I had sent him. [It's raining today. Remember to wear something warm.]

There was no reply.

Just like the past four years.

So, he had not been absent at all.

I was the absent one.

Chapter 1

I ended the video call and opened my chat history with Zach as my hands shook. When I scrolled up, all I saw were my messages.

I had sent sunsets, sweet and sour ribs from the cafeteria, and orange cats crouched by the road. He didn't say much in the chat, just a few things here and there. One "yeah" every few hours. One "okay" every couple of days. Sometimes, only a sticker.

I exited the messaging app and opened his Facebook.

The background photo had changed. Previously, it was a photo of the two of us on New Year's Eve. Now, it was a group photo from an award ceremony.

Amy stood on his right, their heads tilted slightly toward each other like the perfect partners.

My eyes burned. I blinked hard, trying to hold it in, but the tears fell first.

Just as I was about to lock the screen, Amy's message popped up at the top of my phone.

[Megan, I've thought about this for a long time, but I still think I should tell you. If you really care about Zach, stop sending him those random updates all day. He studies until dawn every night. Whenever his phone lights up, he can't help checking it, and after he reads your message, it takes him another ten minutes to focus again.]

[Those cats, dogs, and dinner photos... They mean nothing to him. He doesn't want to reply, but he feels bad if he doesn't. So, he hesitates for ages every time. Do you know how draining that is?]

[His target university has such a high entry requirement. How many more nights does he have to push through just to close that gap? You say you're doing this for him, but what have you done that actually helped him?]

I stared at the screen. Every word felt like a dagger stabbing into my chest. I typed a line, but in the end, I only sent one sentence. [Does he... Know you're sending me this?]

She replied almost at once: [Of course he does. He said you keep sending pointless messages, but he's too embarrassed to say it directly because he's worried about hurting your pride. He's the one who asked me to tell you.]

I stared at the words "he asked me to tell you", and I felt as though something was choking me.

Amy sent another message. [Also, he asked me to tell you not to call during study time anymore. If something happens, send a message. He'll read it, but he might not reply. Please try to understand.]

I tapped into Amy's social feed as if something had taken over me. Her latest post was from yesterday, with a photo taken at a steak house. Zach sat across from her. The beef on his plate was something she had put there for him. The caption read: [Weekend rest with the top student.]

Farther back, there was a hike from last week. The two of them were posing with peace signs at the summit. Earlier there were blossoming crabapple trees. Then, there were the late-night study rooms. Then, a new dessert shop.

He was in every photo.

Zach.

He had always told me things like "I don't have time" and "I'm busy studying". It was not because he had no time, but because he had given all his time to someone else.

During the call, I had meant to tell him that I had secured a spot in a graduate school. The university was in his city, and I finally would not have to wait for his replies through a screen anymore.

But now those words are stuck in my throat.

I typed in four words.

[We should break up.]

Chapter 2

The next day, I switched on my phone.

In my chat with Zach, the message sat alone at the bottom without a reply. Like every message I had sent over the past four years, it had vanished without a trace.

I stared at the screen and laughed. Not even a breakup was worth an answer.

Just as I was about to lock my phone, a class group message popped up.

It was the roster for the school basketball exhibition game, and I spotted Zach's name immediately. Amy's name was beside his.

My roommate leaned over, took one look, and clicked her tongue. "Those two are Easton College's famous grad-school prep couple. They spend every day in the library. Even the professors say they look good together."

She pulled up a screenshot from Amy's Facebook feed. "Look at them. They look so good together. One ranks first, the other second, and they even get their certificates in pairs."

I pushed down the ache in my heart and nodded along, but my nails dug into my palm.

From that day on, I avoided the library, the sports field, and every route where I might run into him. But I walked straight into him outside the advisor's office,

Zach looked thinner. His shirt sleeves were rolled to his forearms, and he was holding a stack of documents. When he saw me, he stopped, then smiled. "Megan? Long time no see. Want to get dinner together?"

I wanted to shake my head, but breaking up was not a small thing. We should at least talk about it in person. So, I nodded.

As soon as I agreed, Amy stepped up next to Zach's side as if it were the most natural thing in the world and smiled at me. "Megan is here too? Perfect. Let's all go."

She tilted her head toward Zach. "Have you picked a place?"

Zach shook his head, and Amy turned to me at once. "Then Megan can choose. We hardly ever get together."

I casually suggested a restaurant by the school gate that was known for its spicy food.

Amy gave a soft "oh" and said, "His stomach hasn't been doing well lately. The doctor said he can't eat spicy food. You didn't know, Megan?"

I pressed my lips together and changed it to a diner that served something lighter.

Amy shook her head again. "That place is too greasy. He had acid reflux in the middle of the night after eating there last time."

She paused, her tone laced with a helpless smile. "How do you not even know what he can't eat, Megan?"

I suggested four or five different places, but every time I named one, Amy found a reason to reject it for Zach. Too far, too noisy, not clean enough, too long a wait.

In the end, she pressed her lips together, as if she were making a sacrifice. "Forget it. I'll choose. Neither of you is reliable."

Zach lowered his head and smiled, his voice gentle. "Thanks for that."

Amy rolled her eyes at him and half-jokingly complained, "I'm the go-between for you two, so I deserve credit for this meal. You'd better thank me properly later."

They bantered back and forth while I stood off to the side, watching Zach smile at Amy.

My chest felt tight, and I could hardly breathe.

I had thought the only distance between us was the distance between our colleges in the last four years. Now, we were so far apart that I could not even step into his life anymore.

The words "we should break up" were stuck in my throat. Suddenly, I felt it was pointless whether I said it out loud or not.

When it was time to order, Amy took the menu. She pointed at the Southwestern Shrimp Omelet and said Zach was cutting weight, so he needed less oil. Then, she pointed at the garden salad and said his stomach was weak, so he had to eat light. She also ordered another cream of chicken soup and smiled at Zach. "You said the soup here was good last time. I remembered."

Zach nodded and added without thinking, "Do you want to add the paprika pork ribs you like?"

They were talking back and forth while I sat across from them like a stranger at their table.

Amy finally pushed the menu toward me. "Megan, you should order something you like too."

Just as I was about to speak, Zach cut in. "She doesn't really eat spicy food. Get her..."

He stopped. His finger hovered over the menu, and his brows furrowed. A moment later, he chose two dishes and muttered, "This and this."

I looked down at them.

Caesar salad and stuffed portobello mushrooms.

I felt a lump rise in my throat.

Those were dishes I would never touch. I was allergic to portobello mushrooms, and lettuce made me break out in a rash.

He had forgotten all of it.

Amy slapped the back of Zach's head, teasing him. "Have you been studying too much? Those are the things I like!"

Zach froze, then avoided my eyes and pushed the menu toward me. "Order whatever you want."

I shook my head and stood up. "It's fine. I have something on tonight, so I'm going first."

I picked up my bag, paused, and said to him with my head lowered, "Look at my messages when you have time."

He gave an indifferent "yeah" and continued, "Amy filters them for me. If it's important, she'll remind me to reply."

I smiled, and the smile I made was so stiff it hurt. So, I was not even significant enough to be considered important.

Then, there was no need to wait for a reply.

I turned and pushed open the restaurant door. The night breeze blew in, cool in exactly the right way.

Chapter 3

My roommate dragged me over to look after her brother, Connor Rivers, at the basketball game the next day. He had just started college and was competing for the first time, so his hands were shaking from nervousness.

I bought drinks and stayed on the sidelines to help.

As soon as the whistle blew, I looked up without thinking and saw Zach dribbling past someone. Amy stood outside the line, holding a towel and a bottle of water.

Every time he scored, she clapped and shouted, "Nice!"

Whenever he paused to catch his breath, she handed him water and intimately wiped his sweat. The students around me whispered, "They really do look good with each other."

Another student said, "Zach can play the whole game without getting tired. Amy probably deserves some credit for that!"

I forced a faint smile and turned my attention back to Connor.

At the end of the third quarter, Zach came off the court to have a drink, and Amy draped the towel over the back of his neck. I lowered my head to unscrew a bottle cap, but I saw Zach walk over out of the corner of my eye.

He glanced at the neat row of bottles at my feet and frowned. "Amy already prepared mine. You don't need to bother."

After a pause, he added, "If you have time, you should study more and focus on studying."

I gripped the water bottle and said nothing.

He went on. "Look at Amy. She's first in her major classes, and she has also won competitions. Her schedule is packed and well-organized. You really should learn from her."

I suddenly found the entire exchange ridiculous. I looked straight at him for the first time and said, "Whether or not I learn anything from her has nothing to do with you."

He was stunned. Then, his brows furrowed. "Megan, what's with that attitude? College really is different from high school to the point you've even lost your ambition. If your mindset can't keep up, in the future, how will you-"

"Future?"

I interrupted him, my eyes red. "We have no future."

He opened his mouth, then fell silent. He reached for the water by my feet, but another hand snatched it away before his fingers could touch the bottle.

Connor unscrewed the cap and took a long drink, then grinned at me. "Megan, yours always tastes the best."

Then, he stepped sideways and blocked the space between Zach and me.

Zach's hand hung in the air in front of him awkwardly before he pulled it back. He glanced at me. When he saw me lower my eyes and stay silent, his expression darkened.

Amy looked between us and said lazily, "Megan, you came just to watch Connor? No wonder you brought so many drinks."

She paused and smiled with pressed lips. "I was wondering why you didn't even look Zach's way."

Before I could speak, Zach's face darkened.

I smiled and said, "Amy, you watch me so closely that people who don't know any better might think you and Connor are a couple."

"Megan!" Zach cut me off sharply, his voice was low and angry. "What nonsense are you talking about? Don't you know that Amy has said so many nice things about you? Can you stop thinking in such a filthy way?"

Before I could answer, he rushed on. "Every time I ran into trouble or got stuck on a hard question, who was the one beside me? Amy. When I studied until dawn and couldn't keep going, who sat beside me? Amy. When I had a fever and went to the infirmary, who stayed with me all night?"

His eyes were red as his voice shook. "You ask why I didn't reply to your messages? Think about it yourself. When I needed you, where were you?"

The area around us fell silent as several students looked over.

Amy lowered her eyes and tugged at his jersey, as if to calm him and show how upset she was.

But all I could feel was how that spring inside of me that had been strained for four years finally snapped.

Chapter 4

"I wasn't there?" My voice was hoarse as I glared at Zach. "I called you eleven times when you had a fever at the end of the semester for your freshman year, and you didn't answer even once. The next day, you said your phone was silent, and I believed you.

"In the winter of your sophomore year, my part-time job withheld my pay. I crouched by the road and sent you a voice message saying 'I feel awful'. It took you two days to reply with a hug sticker.

"Last month on my birthday, I waited until two in the morning, and you didn't even say happy birthday. The next day, you said you forgot and told me not to be so dramatic."

I stared at him, and my tears finally rolled down my chin. "I wasn't there when you needed me? Did you ever give me a chance to be there? Every time you needed someone, Amy was already beside you. Where was I supposed to stand?!"

Zach opened his mouth. His lips moved, but he could not say a word.

Amy let go of his jersey and softly said, "Zach, stop... Megan is probably just in a bad mood."

I wanted to leave, but a shout exploded beside my ear. "Watch out!"

Out of the corner of my eye, a dark blur flew toward me. I turned my head on instinct, but it was already too late.

I staggered back two steps. Through my blurred vision, I saw Zach lunge sideways toward Amy, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her aside, using his back to shield her from the ball even though the ball had not been heading in her direction at all.

When I fell to the ground, the pain in my heart was so intense that I could hardly breathe.

Amy shouted in panic, "Zach, the ball hit Megan!"

Only then did Zach look back, his face momentarily blank.

Connor rushed over and picked me up before running toward the infirmary. I closed my eyes as the sharp pain pulsed from the back of my head. But strangely, the weight I had carried for three years just lifted.

At the infirmary, Zach let out a relieved sigh and said, "The doctor said it's just a mild concussion. Nothing serious."

I did not say anything.

He pulled over a chair and sat down. "The game just ended, and I have to catch the last bus back to college. Get some rest. I'll come see you soon."

He paused, then added a few gentle words. "Don't overthink what happened on the basketball court today. I just acted on instinct. Speaking of which, you've lost weight lately. Remember to eat properly. If anything happens, message me. I... I'll reply when I see it."

In the past, those few words would have been enough for me to swallow all the pain I felt and keep waiting for the next "next time".

But now, every word felt hollow. It carried so little weight that I doubted they could create even the smallest ripple on water.

I nodded, my voice flat. "Sure."

He waited a while. When I said nothing further, he stood and walked toward the door despite looking as though he still had something to say.

At the doorway, he looked back at me with hesitation in his eyes. It was as if he was waiting for me to ask him to stay.

Instead, I said, "Go back and look at the messages I sent."

He paused, then nodded. "Okay."

The next day, my phone stayed perfectly quiet.

He had promised to look at my messages, but he still did not reply.

I pressed and held the chat window, then tapped delete.

Next, I packed my luggage and bought a ticket to the beach.