Having His Body but Never His Heart

CH. 01

Chapter 1

18,697 words

After a night of passion, the amnesiac boyfriend I took in leaned back against the couch and watched me.

My legs were still weak as I headed into the kitchen to prepare a meal for him.

Halfway through cooking, he suddenly wrapped his arms around me from behind.

After a moment of silence, he murmured, "Actually, I lied about having amnesia. I'm the heir to the Payne family."

I burst out laughing. "Sure. And I'm the daughter of the richest man in the country."

He pinched my cheek and laughed along with me.

"I have a fiancee," he added. "I'm getting married tomorrow."

Feeling me stiffen in his arms, he pulled out his phone and showed me a photo.

"She's too possessive to tolerate another woman around me, so I ran away from home," he explained.

"But the first time I saw you, I wanted you. It was purely physical. So, I faked amnesia just so I could stick around."

I stared at the photo. Chandler Payne—the man I had been calling my boyfriend—was leaning into his fiancee, Sabrina Shaw. They looked like a perfect match.

Tears streamed down my cheeks before I could stop them.

Chandler sighed, pulling me tighter against his chest as he stroked my hair with that same doting touch.

"Hey, don't cry," he said softly. "It's not like I have a choice either. My heart already belongs to her, but my body wants you.

"It's just a marriage of convenience anyway. As long as we're careful not to get you pregnant, we can keep seeing each other."

"So…" he paused, then asked, "It'll be dawn soon. Are you coming with me?"

Chapter 1

Chandler Payne, the amnesiac boyfriend I'd taken in, held out his phone to show me a picture of himself with his fiancee. I stared at the screen for a long, quiet moment.

I recognized the woman beside him instantly.

I more than recognized her.

It was Sabrina Shaw—the woman who’d stolen the life that should have been mine.

Chandler kept talking while I sat there in a daze.

He claimed Sabrina was too possessive, that the wedding was nothing more than a business arrangement between their families, and that it wasn't as though he felt nothing for me. He simply had no choice but to go back.

Then, he stroked my cheek, as if soothing a little girl throwing a tantrum.

"Even after I'm married, I can still take care of you. A woman like you is perfect to keep on the side."

I looked up at him.

Only then did I truly see him. The man who had frowned and complained whenever he was hurt, clung to me and refused to let go, and murmured my name in the middle of the night for the past two weeks had never truly cared about me.

All along, he'd only seen me as a pastime, a plaything that had caught his eye on a whim.

Suddenly, all the red flags made sense.

Chandler had claimed he couldn't remember a single thing, yet he effortlessly identified fine wines, recognized luxury watches, and handled formal table etiquette with practiced ease.

I'd suggested calling the police or putting out a missing person notice more than once. But every single time, he'd found a way to steer the conversation elsewhere.

He'd either pull me in for a kiss or act helpless and clingy, telling me he couldn't live without me.

It turned out that he hadn't been afraid of losing me.

He'd been afraid I would send him back to where he belonged, and his game would end too soon.

"So, you've been lying to me from the very beginning?" I asked.

"I wouldn't exactly call it lying," he answered easily, without a trace of guilt. "I just wanted to see if you'd take me home."

He smirked. "Turns out I had you pegged. You really are softhearted."

I said nothing.

Chandler seemed to have finally lost interest in pretending and laid the whole thing out.

He told me that he'd had a fight with Sabrina that day and driven down to the Marlow River.

That was where he'd seen me crouched on the embankment scooping up a stray cat, a bag of cheap vegetables at my feet. One look was enough to tell him how broke I was.

And that, of all things, was what caught his interest.

He looked completely at ease as he told me, like a man reminiscing about a conquest he was proud of.

His words sent a wave of disgust through me.

It turned out I hadn't taken in a man with amnesia at all. I'd been targeted by a man who lied his way into my home and then toyed with me as he pleased.

But none of that was what almost made me laugh.

It was Sabrina in the photo.

I'd been switched at birth. When I was a teenager, my adoptive mother, Nora Whitfield, fell seriously ill. While digging through her cabinet, I came across some old things that told me my background didn't add up.

After that, I quietly looked into it and learned that the Shaw family had spent years searching for their real daughter and that the daughter they raised in my place was named Sabrina Shaw.

I never went back to claim my place.

Back then, I couldn't even afford my tuition. Nora was in a hospital bed, and we were drowning in debt.

All I could think about was how to get through each day. I had nothing left over to gamble on whether a wealthy family would actually love me.

And even if I had gone back, what then?

Some things, when they came too late, might no longer be what I wanted.

What I never expected was that fate would quietly bring it all together.

And now, Chandler stood in front of me, telling me in the tone of a man doing me a favor that he had no intention of abandoning me.

"I'll come find you once the wedding is over. Don't make a scene, and don't do anything you shouldn't."

Downstairs, a pair of headlights flashed once.

He looked down to straighten his cuffs, grabbed his coat, and glanced back at me from the doorway.

"Come with me once you've thought it through."

After the door closed, I stood there for a long time.

His scent still hung in the apartment. The bed was unmade, and the oatmeal in the pot was still warm.

Just minutes ago, I was still thinking about our future.

Only now did I realize that all the love I'd given Chandler was worth less than dirt in his eyes.

I stared down at the photo I'd secretly snapped, my fingers tightening around the phone.

Chapter 2

Not long after Chandler left, he texted me an address, followed by a photo of a keycard.

He said the apartment was mine from now on and added that he wouldn't be stingy with money either.

The last line was the worst of it.

"Don't cause a scene in front of Brina. I'll make sure you're well taken care of."

I read it and sent back a brief reply.

"I'm not going."

My phone rang almost immediately. I answered but said nothing.

On the other end, Chandler paused, impatience already creeping into his voice.

"Lena, don't be difficult," he said. "I told you I'd come back for you.

"You're in love with me, aren't you? What do you get out of making this so ugly?"

I clutched the phone, a suffocating tightness gripping my chest.

Of course I loved him.

I loved him enough to run out in the middle of the night for medicine whenever he complained of a headache. Loved him enough to stretch my meager paycheck to buy fresh ingredients when he had no appetite. Loved him enough that a single furrow of his brow sent me spiraling, wondering what was wrong.

I'd even let myself think that once his memory came back, if he still wanted to be with me, I might really spend the rest of my life with him.

"Chandler," I said quietly, "I don't want this anymore."

The line went silent for a moment. But a second later, he slipped right back into his usual nonchalant tone.

"It's fine. It's only natural that you can't accept it right now. Once you've thought it through, I'll come get you."

After the call ended, I sat alone in the living room for a long time.

His glass was still on the table. His coat was draped over the couch. In the kitchen, a pot of oatmeal was still simmering on the stove.

So, this was what it felt like to be disgusted by someone. Even the things he'd left behind turned my stomach.

I had just gotten to my feet when there was a knock at the door.

To my surprise, Sabrina stood outside.

She looked exactly like she had in the photo, with flawless makeup and immaculate posture. There were two men standing behind her.

She gave me a once-over, her gaze lingering on my neck. The marks Chandler had left were still visible.

Her expression turned cold. "So it's you."

I said nothing.

She stepped inside, her gaze sweeping from the couch to the foot of the bed before locking back onto me.

"A woman living in a dump like this had the nerve to touch my fiance?"

Looking at her, I was struck by the sheer absurdity of it all.

The woman who'd been living my life for all these years was standing right in front of me, demanding to know what right I had to touch the man who should have been marrying me.

I grabbed the door and tried to shut it, but one of the men behind her planted a hand against it and stopped it from closing.

Sabrina walked in slowly, contempt dripping from every word.

"Chandler was just looking for a thrill before the wedding. You didn't actually think you could take my place, did you? Women like you spend a few nights with a man and start getting ideas."

"I have no intention of being with him," I said coldly.

But she didn't believe a word of it.

"Cut the act. Women like you always pretend you don't want anything when you're really after everything."

With that, she swept the water glass off the coffee table. Shards of glass flew everywhere.

Before I could speak, she tilted her head, signaling the two men behind her to get to work.

In seconds, the apartment was wrecked.

I rushed forward to stop them, but someone shoved me aside. My lower back slammed into the corner of the table, and the pain was sharp enough that my vision went black for a moment.

Sabrina stood in the middle of the wreckage, looking down at me.

"You'd better know your place. You'll never make it through the Payne family's front door, and even if you somehow did, you still wouldn't be good enough."

Then, her eyes settled on the picture frame on the floor.

It was the only photo I had of Nora and me.

Before I could reach for it, Sabrina brought her heel down on it.

"No!"

Chapter 3

I lunged forward and shoved Sabrina away. She stumbled, her expression darkening instantly.

The men with her grabbed me at once and wrenched the phone out of my hand.

I tried to snatch it back, but they shoved me into the wall so hard that my forehead went numb from the impact.

Sabrina held my phone, glanced down at the screen, and let out a cold laugh.

"Thinking of calling the police? Who do you think they'd believe, me or you?"

She turned the phone over in her hand, pulled a check from her purse, and flicked it onto the floor in front of me.

"Walk away now, and you'll at least leave with something. But if you don't know what's good for you, you'll end up with nothing."

I looked down, and my fingers went still.

The figure written on it was more money than I'd ever let myself imagine.

In my senior year of high school, I got into Harwell University. Then, Nora fell ill, the debts piled up, and I couldn't even cover tuition. I had no choice but to give up my spot.

And now, the woman living my life was throwing that kind of money at my feet just to make me disappear.

I didn't reach for the check. I just wiped the blood from the corner of my mouth.

Sabrina looked down at me with open contempt. "If I hear you've gone near Chandler again, this ends one way for you—dead."

After she left with her men, the apartment went dead quiet again.

I crouched down to pick up the frame. A shard of glass bit into my finger, and blood welled up right away.

I barely registered the pain. I just stared at the cracked photo.

The crack ran right across Nora's face.

A laugh caught in my throat.

I hadn't fought for anything. I hadn't asked for anything. Yet someone still thought they had the right to walk all over me.

…

That night, there was another knock at the door. I thought Sabrina had come back, but it was Chandler standing outside.

I didn't open the door. Instead, I asked through it, "What are you doing here?"

Silence hung on the other side for a few seconds before he blurted out, "Why did you have to provoke her?"

I almost laughed out loud.

He was the one getting married while planning to keep me on the side. Sabrina was the one who'd brought men to tear my home apart.

Yet here Chandler was, asking why I'd provoked her.

I leaned against the door, my voice hoarse. "Chandler, don't you have this backward? I'm not the one who lost her mind, and I'm not the one who smashed everything."

He went quiet for a moment, then softened his tone. "I'll make up for what happened this afternoon. And I'll talk to Brina and tell her not to pull anything like that again.

"Lena, stop making this hard. It's not like I'm abandoning you."

The same lines.

Every word was designed to soothe me just enough to keep me waiting.

Exhaustion hit me all at once. "Just go."

He didn't budge. "Open the door first. Let's talk."

I remained silent and made no move.

Just then, his phone rang. He picked up quickly, answered in a low murmur, and left me with one line. "Wait for me. We'll talk when I get back."

His footsteps quickly faded away.

I stood behind the door with nothing left to say.

Chandler was always like this—promising he'd come back, only to be the first to turn away when the time came to choose.

He didn't come back for the next two days. His family had likely tied him down with wedding preparations.

I thought things might quiet down, at least for a while. But the day before the wedding, Sabrina returned.

This time, she didn't waste words.

The door had barely opened when several women rushed in and pinned me to the floor. They yanked my hair and slapped me across the face, their knees digging painfully into my back.

Somewhere in the chaos, some hard object smashed into my forehead, and blood ran down my face.

Sabrina stood off to the side, watching me curl up on the ground and tossing out a cold remark. "Touch what isn't yours, and you'll pay for it."

I gritted my teeth and didn't argue back because I suddenly remembered a break-in in our building a while back. I'd been worried about my safety, so I'd installed a security camera.

The indicator light was still on. Every single thing they were doing was being recorded.

Only after they left did I brace myself against the wall and slowly push myself up.

Blood was streaming down my forehead. When I pressed a hand to it, my palm came away red.

I grabbed my phone and ID and then headed to the hospital alone.

I had just walked out of the building when I saw Chandler.

Chapter 4

Chandler had probably come straight from the wedding venue, given that he was still wearing his black suit.

He walked up to me, and his expression shifted when he noticed the bandage on my forehead.

"Brina did this?"

I didn't answer.

He reached for me, but I stepped back before he could touch me.

His hand froze in midair. Then, he lowered his voice and made me a promise I had little faith in. "I'll talk to her. I'll make sure she never lays a hand on you again."

I looked at him, amused by how absurd he sounded.

"Again?" I sneered.

Chandler pressed his lips into a thin line. "The wedding is tomorrow. Just put up with it for now. Once it's over, I'll make it up to you."

As those words landed, the last lingering feelings I had for him shattered.

He could see I'd been badly beaten and knew exactly who was responsible, yet all he could tell me was to endure it.

I grabbed the paper cup off the bedside table and hurled it at his feet.

"Get out!" My voice cracked. "Chandler, get the hell out!"

He stood there for a long moment without moving.

I turned my face away, refusing to give him another glance.

Once he was gone, I pulled the old pendant from my bag, backed up the security footage, and finally pulled up the audio recording.

Good. Every piece of evidence I needed was right here.

This time, I wasn't going to take any of it.

…

I was discharged from the hospital on the exact day of their wedding.

My apartment was still a wreck when I got back.

I'd barely stepped inside when my phone buzzed with a notification—a termination notice from my company. The stated reason was that my personal conduct had damaged the firm's image.

I skimmed the message and closed it.

Only Sabrina would go to such lengths. She didn't just want to hurt me. She wanted to make sure there was no place left for me in this city.

I'd never intended for any of this to go so far. I'd never wanted to fight for a spot in a wealthy family, nor had I ever planned to claim my way into a better life. All I'd ever wanted was to live a quiet life.

They were the ones who wouldn't leave me alone. So, they had no right to blame me for what came next.

I was changing clothes when Sabrina sent me a photo.

It showed a rumpled bed with two bodies pressed tightly together, the camera angle deliberately chosen to make it look as suggestive as possible.

Beneath it was a single line of text. "Take a good look at whose bed he's in tonight."

I looked at it for just a few seconds and deleted it without a second thought.

I pressed a hand to the bandage on my forehead, picked up the envelope, and walked out.

…

The wedding venue was even more crowded and bustling than I'd expected.

Everyone present wore the eager look of spectators awaiting a show. They had gathered to celebrate the union of the Payne and Shaw families—a merger of pure power and prestige.

What none of them realized was that the wrong woman had been standing in that spotlight all along.

I walked straight to the bridal suite and pushed the door open. Every head in the room turned toward me.

Sabrina stood before the mirror in her wedding gown. Chandler was there too. The moment he saw me, the color drained from his face.

I stood in the doorway with a bandage taped across my forehead, dressed in plain clothes that looked completely out of place amid the luxury.

Still, I held my head high.

I met Sabrina's eyes, my voice unwavering. "I had no intention of coming to your wedding. But you kept pushing until you forgot who you really are."

The smile froze on her face.

Chandler stared at me, his frown tightening with every passing second.

I didn't look back at him. I simply took the pendant out of the envelope and held it up for everyone to see.

"You've been standing in my place all these years. Today seems like a good day for you to give back what's mine."

Hushed whispers broke out near the doorway. My biological parents, the Shaws, came hurrying in from the hall. The moment Victoria Shaw's eyes landed on the pendant, her face turned ash-white.

Watching her reaction, Chandler finally put it together. He looked at me, and for the first time, there was panic in his eyes.

But it was already too late.

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