Chapter 3

Jared's words kept circling in my ears. Why couldn't you be the one to die.

When the doctor stitched my wound again, I shook all over from the pain, but I didn't make a sound.

The nurse had just hooked up the blood bag when I reached up and pulled the needle out. She cried out.

“Dr. Swanson, you've lost too much blood, you can't do this, you need the transfusion!”

Through the doorway I saw Lyndon holding Hilda, comforting her, Hilda leaning into his shoulder. The three of them stood together like a real family.

And suddenly I thought Jared was right. If I were the one who died, all of them would probably breathe easier.

While the nurse went out to call for help, I braced myself against the wall and slipped into the fire stairwell, climbing floor by floor.

By the time the wind on the rooftop hit my face, I couldn't feel the pain anymore.

I had just swung one leg over the railing when Lyndon's furious voice tore out behind me.

“Hilary Swanson!”

He rushed over and dragged me back. I hit the ground, and the wound on my belly, freshly stitched, began to bleed again.

He clamped down hard on my shoulders.

“Are you insane? Why would you go somewhere that dangerous!”

I looked at him.

“Jared wants me dead. I want to die too. Why did you bother saving me?”

His face went ugly at once.

“A six-year-old says something in anger and you take it to heart? You're his mother. Can't you act like an adult!”

“And what about you?”

The tears wouldn't stop.

“You had our daughter cut out early to give to Hilda. The baby nearly died, and you blamed me. My wound split open, and you told me to keep quiet. Lyndon, I've given you our daughter, I don't want our son anymore, so what's the point of me staying alive?”

His breath caught, and then his face hardened again.

“Enough! Do you have to make everyone miserable in Hilda's last month? Fine, I promise you, once she's gone I'll make everything up to you. Is that enough!”

“I'm warning you one last time. Don't think using death can threaten me. I don't care!”

Threaten? He thought I was threatening him?

I was about to speak when hurried footsteps came from below. The head of the neonatal unit rushed onto the rooftop, her face bloodless.

“Director Prescott, the little miss is in severe respiratory failure again. They're trying to save her right now!”

My mind went to static. I scrambled up and ran down the stairs.

By the time I reached the resuscitation room, doctors were already crowded inside. Through the glass, all I could see was my daughter's tiny body ringed by machines.

I kept pounding on the door.

“Let me in! I'm her mother!”

Lyndon held me back, his arms locked around me.

“You'll only get in the way in there. Stop it!”

An hour later the door opened. The department head pulled down her mask, her voice so low I could barely hear it.

“Director Prescott, I'm sorry. We couldn't save her.”

My legs gave out and I dropped to my knees. Everything around me went silent.

Lyndon stood frozen for a long time, then suddenly seized my arm, slapped me across the face, and cursed at me.

“If you hadn't stormed into Hilda's room today to grab the baby, if you hadn't threatened to kill yourself, she wouldn't have been put through shock after shock! It's all your fault. Now Hilda's one birthday wish can never come true!”

I looked up at him and laughed, bitter.

So even now, the one he cared about was still Hilda. Even our daughter's death meant nothing to him.

Hilda leaned in, crying.

“Lyndon, don't blame Hilary. She just lost her child, it's hard for her too.”

His eyes red, he cut her off.

“Don't stand up for her! You're too kind, that's why she keeps walking all over you!”

I watched the two of them and found I couldn't even cry anymore. After a long while, I said quietly,

“Lyndon, our daughter is dead, and Jared doesn't want me either. So take my death and give it to Hilda as her birthday present.”

“A dead woman can't fight her for anything anymore.”