Chapter 1

For three years of long-distance love, I saved three hundred and sixty-four train tickets to Cloud City.

Today was the three hundred and sixty-fifth.

I brought the scarf I'd knitted by hand, wanting to surprise Tim James.

Instead I let myself in with the spare key and found clothes scattered all over the floor.

My best friend, Lisa Fox, was walking out of the bathroom wearing my pajamas.

Tim wrapped his arms around her from behind. "That stiff little thing has to work late tonight. She won't come."

I stood in the doorway, watching them.

The report in my pocket, the one that said severe depression, didn't feel that important anymore.

Right there in front of them, I tore the three hundred and sixty-five tickets apart, one by one.

"Tim. I hope you two rot together, you and your bitch. Forever."

1

The air in the apartment was heavy with it.

Lisa was pinned against his chest, pushing him back. "Stop it, quit it. What if Denise Pruitt—"

"Her?"

Tim laughed, and every word dripped contempt.

"She's such a prude. Tell her to work late and she won't leave one minute early."

"Besides, how many times have I told her to quit her job and come to Cloud City? Has she ever listened?"

"Guarding that dump of a library for a few thousand a month. What's she ever going to amount to?"

Lisa giggled, tapping a finger against his chest.

"Then why are you still with her?"

"Might as well keep her around. All that money she scrimped and saved, doesn't it all end up in our hands anyway?"

Tim lowered his head and kissed her hair.

"Baby, you like the bag I bought you last time? That was a whole year of her salary."

"You're so cruel to her."

Lisa said it, but her face was pure smug delight.

I stood in the doorway, watching the show.

The scarf in my hand had taken me half a month to knit. Cream cashmere, so soft.

Now it was wound around my wrist, and it felt cold.

They finally noticed me.

Tim's face froze, and he let go of Lisa.

Lisa let out a theatrical shriek and clutched her chest.

What she had on was the silk nightgown I'd bought last month. I'd never once let myself wear it.

"Denise? What are you doing here?"

Tim's voice came out dry, and he started toward me.

I said nothing.

I pulled the thick stack of train tickets from my pocket.

Three hundred and sixty-five of them, all from the small town to Cloud City.

Every weekend and every holiday of the last three years.

Tim's face changed.

"Denise, let me explain. It's not what you think."

Lisa spoke up too, timid and small.

"Denise, don't get the wrong idea. Tim and I only—we just had too much to drink."

Too much to drink?

Too much to drink, and you walk out of his bathroom in my pajamas?

I looked at them and thought how ridiculous it was.

I didn't scream. I didn't cry.

I just picked up the top ticket, right there in front of them.

The sound of it tearing was loud in the quiet room.

Tim's pupils shrank.

"Denise! What are you doing!"

I ignored him and tore the second one.

This was the ticket from last Valentine's Day. The roads were closed with snow that day, and I rode a slow old train for more than ten hours.

When he saw me, all he said was, "What took you so long?"

Then he dumped me alone in his rented room because he had a client to entertain.

One after another.

These tickets I'd once treasured now cut my fingers until they ached.

Tim moved to grab them, and a single look from me drove him back.

"Don't touch me."

He stopped where he was.

He'd probably never seen me like this.

In his eyes I was always the same gentle, obedient Denise.

Lisa hid behind him, crying softly.

"Denise, don't do this, you're scaring me."

I looked at her and, suddenly, I laughed.

"Lisa, I asked you to look after him. I didn't ask you to look after him in bed."

"I scraped and saved and lent him that money to invest. Not so he could buy you bags."

The color drained from Lisa's face.

Tim's expression turned uglier.

"Denise, don't talk like that. There's just been a little misunderstanding between us."

A misunderstanding?

I tore the last ticket in half, and together with the depression diagnosis report, I threw it all into the air.

The scraps drifted down.

They fell on their stunned faces, on the clothes strewn across the floor.

"Tim."

I looked at him, calm.

"From today, we're square."

Then I turned and walked away.

Tim's shout came from behind me.

"Denise! Stop right there! Who do you think you are? Can't take a joke, is that it?"

"If you've got the nerve to leave, then don't you come back!"

I didn't turn around. I walked out into the night of Cloud City.