Chapter 1

On my birthday, I found a hidden playlist on Adrian Beckett's phone.

It was called "Lost."

The cover image was a photo of his ex-girlfriend.

He had lost the woman he loved most.

In the three years we had been together, Adrian had never once let her go. I was simply the person he turned to when loneliness caught up with him. I was a compromise. I was a habit.

Right in front of me, Adrian deleted the playlist, then looked at me and asked in a flat voice, "Satisfied now?"

I said nothing.

Adrian reached over and gave my hair a halfhearted ruffle. "That's enough. Hayley, be good. I'll take you home to meet my parents over New Year's, all right?"

But Adrian, I was going home to have a blind date on New Year's.

Chapter 1

Adrian Beckett caught the dazed look on my face.

A playful smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth as he flicked my forehead. "Why aren't you saying anything? Too happy to speak?"

In the three years we had been together, he had rarely introduced me to his friends on his own, much less taken me to meet his parents.

I was genuinely caught off guard. It took me a moment to find my voice. "I already told my parents about New Year's. They—"

They had set me up on a blind date.

"Then don't go," Adrian cut in without a second thought.

He was always like that, uninterested in anything that concerned me and never patient enough to let me finish.

Maybe my reaction was not what he had expected, because a flicker of irritation crossed his face.

He offered me a perfunctory "happy birthday," the words sounding obligatory and routine.

Then he grabbed his jacket and stood without taking a single bite of cake. "I'm heading out."

I responded with a quiet hum.

For once, I did not cling to him or beg him to stay and keep me company a little longer.

When Adrian reached the door, he hesitated for a brief moment and glanced back at me.

By then, I had already pressed my palms together and closed my eyes to make a wish, paying him no attention.

He slammed the door behind him. After the sharp bang, an unusually long silence settled over the apartment.

A hollow ache lingered in my chest, but it was fine. I was not sad.

The sky gradually darkened.

I looked at myself in the mirror, taking in my carefully applied makeup and the outfit I had picked out days earlier. I did not want the effort to go to waste.

…

I met my best friend at a small bar that had recently opened nearby.

After a few rounds of drinks, she looked at me meaningfully and said, "Did you know? Rachel is coming to Norgona."

That name landed on my chest like a hammer.

Rachel Nielsen was the ex-girlfriend Adrian had never managed to forget, even after five years.

We had argued, given each other the cold shoulder, and broken up more times than I could count, all because of her.

She did not even have to appear in person. The mere thought of her was like a thorn lodged deep inside me, leaving me raw every time it shifted.

Adrian claimed matching profile pictures were childish, yet he had once used one with Rachel.

Adrian claimed he disliked flaunting relationships in public, yet his old social media banner and status had once revolved entirely around her.

The stars we watched together on the college lawn were stars they had already watched together back in high school.

The meals he cooked for me turned out to be seasoned with her favorite flavors.

He complained that picking me up from the train station was too much trouble, yet he had once ridden six extra bus stops every day just to walk her home.

From every scrap of information I could find, I pieced together their past. Again and again, I sank into self-doubt, wearing myself down from the inside.

Wasn't I good enough? Wasn't I pretty enough to be loved openly? Was that why he treated me this way?

Across the table, my best friend, Kelsey Smith, looked at me with pity. "About today... I heard Adrian went to the airport to pick her up.

"Jeremy asked me not to tell you because he didn't want you two fighting again..."

Kelsey was dating Adrian's best friend, Jeremy Bixton. Their relationship was steady, and they were already talking about marriage.

"Hayley, what are you going to do? Are you really going to keep dragging this out? I told you a long time ago that you two weren't right for each other. You have so much going for you. Why keep throwing yourself at a man who doesn't love you?"

I lowered my eyes and took another drink. "What else can I do? I just can't let go."

But this time, no matter how hard it was, I had to.

There was no dramatic breakup and no grand announcement. I simply weaned myself off him on my own, peeling away from the relationship one piece at a time.

It turned out that truly leaving someone happened in complete silence.

Chapter 2

In the early hours of the morning, Kelsey's boyfriend came to pick her up.

"Oh, my little troublemaker, how did you end up this wasted?

"Oh, Hayley, will you be okay on your own? Or maybe..."

I smiled and waved him off. I did not catch what Jeremy said after that. My stomach churned. I used to envy what they had together.

Why could Adrian and I never be that sweet? Why?

It came down to one simple thing. He just did not like me that much.

Adrian had told me himself that he was not really interested in clingy, coquettish girls like me. Even so, he had stayed with me.

I had assumed that made me special. It turned out he had simply been lonely.

I did not know how much time had passed.

Then a familiar voice, one that had no business being there, reached my ears.

I lifted my head. Through my blurred vision, I saw Adrian steadying an elegant, beautiful woman dressed in a trench coat and heels.

"Rach, wait here a moment. I need to go get someone."

I remained crouched on the curb, silently watching him support her before pulling out his phone and dialing a number.

A second later, my phone rang.

He turned toward the sound. In the dim night, his expression was impossible to read.

Our eyes met and held for a long moment.

I did not throw myself into his arms or act coy the way I usually did when I was drunk.

Instead, he spoke first. "Hayley."

"Mm."

"Do you have something to say to me?"

I thought about it. "No."

Adrian stepped closer and looked down at me.

Only then did I notice the crease between his brows. I had no idea what had put him in such a foul mood.

"Then let's go." With a blank expression, Adrian pulled me to my feet and helped me into the car.

Other than that, he did not say another word. He did not ask why I had gotten so drunk.

I did not ask who the woman was, either.

A strange, heavy silence settled over the car.

Rachel watched me through the rearview mirror. Her cheeks were flushed, pleasantly tipsy.

"Addy, I feel a little dizzy."

Adrian rolled down the window to let in some air.

"You cannot handle alcohol, and yet you insist on drinking." His voice carried a note of helplessness, along with an indulgent warmth I had never once heard directed at me.

Rachel laughed, her words carrying a meaning beneath the surface. "I was in a good mood today. What's wrong with having a little to drink? It's been so long, and you still love bossing me around, just like you always did.

"It was the same back then. I'd refuse to wear a scarf in winter, and you'd frown and nag me all the way to the school gate."

She gazed out the window with a faint smile, as though reminiscing without a care. "You always acted like I was such a handful."

Adrian kept his hands on the wheel and did not deny it.

She tilted her head toward him, a familiar smile dancing in her eyes. "But you'd still wrap the scarf around me yourself. Then you'd tell me that if I froze and caught another cold, I shouldn't expect you to take care of me."

Adrian answered quietly, "You never learn."

They had been high-school classmates from the same hometown. After graduation, they dated for less than three months before college sent them to different cities.

The first time I realized Rachel existed was when I discovered Adrian's password was her name. He told me he had not used the account in a long time and had simply forgotten to change it.

At first, I did not think much of it. Everyone had a past. She was only an ex-girlfriend he had dated for three months. By the time Adrian and I got together, they had already been broken up for two years.

I never imagined I could lose to her. But the truth was, the moment I started comparing myself to her, I had already lost.

They traded stories about the past while I sat in the back seat as though I were invisible.

The wind rushed through the open window. Outside, the familiar streets slid past in reverse.

We passed Wonder Plaza. The movie theater's billboard was still glowing. That was where Adrian and I had watched our first movie together.

I remembered how sleepy I had been afterward. As we sat in the car, my hand had slipped against his by accident.

Thinking I was asleep, Adrian had quietly taken my hand and held it the entire ride home.

My heart had pounded just as long.

Fragments of memory drifted through my hazy, half-drunk mind. Every one of them came from that uncertain time before we officially became a couple.

Back then, when I loved Adrian most, I used to think, 'if only I had met him first.'

Later, when he hurt me more deeply than anyone else ever had, I thought instead, 'if only I had never met him at all.'

Now, I did not want to think about any of it.

When I hazily opened my eyes again, we were parked outside my building. Rachel was gone.

Adrian rested one hand on the open window, a cigarette between his fingers. Its ember glowed, then dimmed.

"Hayley," he said. "Was that fun for you?"

I sat up straight, confused.

"Didn't I already spend the whole day with you? Did you really have to pull something like this tonight?

"You just had to pick the exact moment I was picking up Rach to cause a scene, didn't you?"

He stubbed out the cigarette and looked at me coldly. "Hayley, how did I never realize you had such perfect timing?

"She just got back. She doesn't even know her way around here. Couldn't you give her even that much consideration?

"Even if you're jealous, there should be limits."

His voice stayed low, thick with restrained anger.

I understood. He was not worried that I had drunk too much. He was blaming me for interrupting his long-overdue reunion with the woman he had never truly gotten over.

"I never asked you to come get me," I said flatly.

He let out a scornful laugh. "Oh? Then who exactly did you get blackout drunk for?"

"I'm not drunk," I said quietly. "Even if you hadn't come, someone else would have taken me home."

Chapter 3

Adrian arched an eyebrow and asked in a mocking tone, "Who? Some guy you just met at the bar?"

His gaze swept over me from head to toe. "Hayley, can you please stop being so childish? Dressed like that and out there alone, do you have any idea what a guy is after?

"If I hadn't shown up, some stranger would have taken you home while you were passed out drunk.

"If you want me to care about you, can you stop using such a stupid method?"

There had been a time when I got myself drunk on purpose just to catch the faintest trace of concern in his eyes. But I was not that foolish anymore.

"Adrian, you're reading too much into this," I said.

He clearly did not believe me. His frown only deepened. "You know I hate it when girls drink. I don't have time to babysit you."

Maybe the alcohol had numbed my nerves, because his words did not hurt as much as they should have. Or maybe I truly had stopped caring.

"If there's a next time, even if Jeremy calls me, I'll pretend I never saw it."

"Fine." I turned and made my way up the stairs on my own, steadying myself against the railing.

…

The hangover kept me asleep until well past noon the next day.

My phone held several unread messages. Not one of them was from Adrian. He rarely texted me first, yet every time my phone buzzed, I still caught myself hoping it was him.

Eventually, I muted his notifications altogether. That way, I could stop reading meaning into things that were never there.

Kelsey sent me a screenshot of Rachel's social media post from the night before. The caption was completely innocent, just a photo of the moon she had taken on a whim.

Adrian, who never liked anyone's posts, had liked hers within seconds. He had even left a comment beneath it: [Goodnight.]

The doorbell rang.

I opened the door and found Adrian standing outside.

For a moment, I wondered if I still had not fully woken up. "Why are you here?"

Maybe the surprise on my face was too obvious, because Adrian smirked, reached out, and pinched my cheek. "Here. This is for you."

I looked silently at the bag in his hand. Inside was a box of hangover medicine.

He was still the same, warm one moment and distant the next, impossible to predict. I no longer had the energy to figure him out. I accepted the bag and thanked him politely.

Adrian leaned against the doorframe as the smile slowly faded from his dark eyes. "That's it?"

"Was there something else?" I asked.

For once, he explained himself without being prompted. "I picked her up yesterday because she doesn't know anyone else in Norgona."

I nodded. "That makes sense."

Adrian searched my face as though he could see straight through me. "Hayley, there's nothing left between her and me. We're just friends now. You don't have to act like this just to spite me.

"I booked a restaurant. I'll take you to dinner later to make up for missing your birthday yesterday."

I shook my head. "No need. It's already over. There's nothing to make up for. Besides, I already have plans today."

Adrian looked genuinely caught off guard. He clearly had not expected me to turn down the chance to have dinner with him.

His expression cooled. "Suit yourself."

…

Unfortunately, the universe had a twisted sense of humor. The restaurant Adrian had booked turned out to be the very same one where I was having dinner.

Rachel, seated beside him, blinked and asked softly, "Addy, why is your girlfriend having dinner with another man?"

My eyes met Adrian's across the room for a brief moment before we both looked away.

His gaze shifted to the man sitting across from me in a sharply tailored suit.

He looked completely indifferent. "What does that have to do with me?"

Rachel smiled, unable to hide the faint pride in her voice. "You're not jealous? Back then, if I said one extra word to a boy sitting next to me, you'd corner him after school and warn him to stay away from me.

"I used to call you the jealousy king of the world, and you'd get so upset about it."

Only someone who truly cared could feel jealous. Even if Adrian saw me sharing an umbrella with a male classmate, he would not so much as frown. He was like a mountain, unmoving and unshakable when it came to me.

Yet that night, the profile picture that had stayed silent for so long suddenly sent three messages.

Adrian: [Is that your new fling?]

Adrian: [Did you really meet him at a bar?]

Adrian: [Hayley, look at you. Quite the talent.]

Chapter 4

I had three unread messages. What the hell.

I lowered my gaze and started typing, but a red exclamation mark appeared.

Adrian had blocked me. Probably because I had taken too long to reply. He had never been patient with me.

Whenever he got annoyed, he could give me the silent treatment anytime, anywhere. It never mattered whose fault it was.

I was almost always the first to give in. He took my feelings for granted and did whatever he wanted.

…

The next day, Kelsey asked me to meet her at the mall to pick up her dress. She and Jeremy had already set their wedding date. The bridesmaid dress had been sent in a few days earlier to have the waist taken in, and today it was finally ready.

"Forget about that dog of a man." Kelsey looped her arm through mine as we headed upstairs. "Your only job right now is to look gorgeous enough at my wedding to put everyone else to shame."

After picking up the dress, we wandered around the mall for a while. As we passed the entrance to a store, we spotted Rachel.

She stood at the counter picking out cufflinks, several open gift boxes beside her while a sales associate explained the different options.

When she saw me, she did not look surprised in the slightest. If anything, she smiled first. "Hayley, what a coincidence."

Kelsey's expression darkened immediately, and she muttered a curse under her breath.

Rachel acted as though she had not heard.

She picked up a pair of silver cufflinks and held them up to the light. "Do you think these would suit Addy?"

I said nothing.

She let out a quiet laugh. "I thought you would know his taste better than I do. You've been together for three years, after all."

Kelsey gave a cold laugh and stepped in front of me, refusing to show Rachel even the smallest measure of courtesy. "Don't act so familiar with us. You don't even know what he likes, yet you have the nerve to ask his actual girlfriend?"

Rachel lowered her eyes and continued in an innocent tone, "I just didn't want to buy the wrong thing. Addy never says much about what he likes, but there are actually a lot of things he doesn't.

"Even then, he won't tell people what he dislikes. I suppose he's afraid of embarrassing them."

Her words were light and airy, yet they pierced like a fine needle.

I suddenly remembered everything I had given Adrian over the past three years: a keychain, cologne, a scarf, and even a handmade ornament. He had accepted every gift without much reaction, but I had never known whether he actually liked any of them.

The next second, Rachel's phone rang. She glanced at the screen, the corners of her mouth lifting, and answered. "Addy."

I couldn't hear what he said, but her voice softened. "No, I'm at the mall. I wanted to pick out a New Year's gift for you. Don't come over. I can handle this myself. I'm not a child."

As she spoke, she looked over at me. "Oh, by the way, Hayley is here too."

Rachel held the phone out with a gentle smile. "He says he wants to say a few words to you."

Kelsey immediately grabbed my wrist, her eyes filled with warning, but I took the phone anyway.

On the other end, Adrian's voice was icy. "Hayley, don't make a scene in front of Rach."

I had not even said a single word, and he had already decided I was the one at fault. "She's just buying a gift. Do you really have to embarrass everyone?"

I stayed silent for two seconds. "Adrian, should I just walk farther away, then? Would that be dignified enough for you?"

The line fell silent.

This time, I did not bother explaining myself. I simply handed the phone back to Rachel.

She took it, her voice light and gentle. "Addy, I'll let you go for now. It looks like Hayley still wants to browse the menswear section."

She paused as though something had just occurred to her, and her smile thinned. "I saw her standing in the plus-size section for quite a while earlier. I'm not sure who she was shopping for."

Chapter 5

I did not explain.

In truth, that coat was a style my father had casually mentioned wanting a couple of days earlier. He was tall and broad-shouldered, and finding winter clothes that fit him had never been easy.

It was simply a coincidence. The man I had dinner with that day also happened to be tall.

Rachel, probably worried I had not heard, lightly tapped the screen with her fingertip.

The speakerphone switched on, and Adrian's cold voice filled the air. "Fine, Hayley. If you really want to use the guy from that dinner to provoke me, you don't have to put on a show in front of Rach."

The next second, his tone softened noticeably. "Rach, don't pay her any mind. I'll come pick you up."

The call ended. Rachel put her phone away and gave me an apologetic smile. "He has a bad temper. Don't take it to heart."

I said nothing. I simply took Kelsey's hand and turned to leave.

…

By the time we walked out of the mall, snow had already begun to fall. New Year's decorations lined the streets, their bright lights stretching into the distance.

Only then did I realize the year was truly coming to an end.

All those days that had worn me down again and again should end with it.

…

On New Year's Eve, there was a gathering. Outside the private room, I heard Adrian and Jeremy talking.

"What? Are you and Hayley fighting again?"

Adrian absently tapped at his phone. "Mm."

Jeremy sighed. "Is it really worth it? Hayley treats you so well."

"I know."

"When Rachel gave you the cold shoulder, you bought a standing-room ticket in the middle of the night just to chase after her and make things right. Can't you just—"

Before he could finish, Adrian lazily cut him off, "Are the two of them even comparable?"

That single sentence sent a chill straight through me.

The other guys quickly joined in.

"Exactly. No matter how pretty Hayley is, she's still the one throwing herself at him. Addy doesn't even have to coax her. He just has to wave a hand, and she comes running back with her tail wagging."

"Rach's different. She's proud. You have to treat her like she's something precious."

I turned to leave, but before I could take a step, the other woman at the center of the conversation suddenly spoke behind me.

"What a coincidence. Let's go in together."

Rachel slipped her arm through mine with practiced familiarity and guided me into the private room.

Everyone who knew the history between the three of us widened their eyes and instinctively looked toward Adrian.

He leaned back in the booth, his expression unreadable.

Once everyone had arrived, they started a game of truth or dare. Rachel lost the very first round.

"Truth. If your ex came back and asked to get back together, would you say yes?"

Like a proud swan, she deliberately glanced at Adrian. "Of course not. People should look forward, not backward."

Adrian did not react. The cold light overhead only made his features seem even more distant.

Partway through the game, I went to the restroom.

When I came out, Adrian was leaning against the hallway wall, talking on the phone.

He was speaking to his grandmother in dialect, his voice low and unhurried. "Mm, it's settled. I'll bring her home for the New Year.

"She's very well-behaved. Quiet and gentle. She might not be used to our local food, so make something mild when the time comes."

I stopped in my tracks. It sounded as though he was describing me, even though I had already told him I was not going.

Adrian glanced at me without expression and slipped his phone into his pocket. He was probably waiting for me to walk over and start the conversation myself.

I thought it over. There was still an ending we owed each other. It was better to say everything clearly.

Just then, Rachel's tearful voice rang out from inside the private room.

The man who had remained cold and composed all night immediately lost his composure.

He rushed inside and found her hand bleeding after she accidentally cut herself on the broken glass of a bottle.

His voice filled with urgency. "Come on. I'll take you to the hospital!"

I called after him calmly, "Adrian, I need to talk to you."

"Get out of my way!" he growled, glaring at me with open irritation. "Hayley, don't do this right now. I don't have time to waste on you. Whatever it is, it can wait."

The clock had just struck midnight.

Outside, brilliant fireworks exploded across the night sky.

I watched Adrian carry Rachel away without looking back even once.

[Happy New Year.]

[Congratulations. You finally found the girl you lost.]

[Let's end it here. There's no future for us.]

The messages disappeared into silence, like stones sinking into the sea.

I no longer cared whether Adrian ever read them.

I turned around and boarded a flight home alone.

…

A week later, Adrian suddenly seemed to remember I existed.

He removed me from his blacklist and sent me a screenshot of his flight itinerary to his hometown.

[I'll pick you up tomorrow afternoon. Don't be late. Hayley, where are you?]

In the middle of a busy day, I found a spare moment to glance at my phone and replied casually: [On a blind date.]

Chapter 6

Another question mark came back in a text.

The next second, Adrian called.

"Hayley, what do you mean by that?" His voice was low and cold, giving away almost nothing. I could tell he was annoyed.

I paused for a moment. "Exactly what it says."

The line fell silent for a long while. Then Adrian let out a faint, sharp laugh, as though he had just heard something amusing. It carried a note of condescending mockery.

"Fine, Hayley. You've really grown some nerve. A blind date, huh? Go ahead and meet him. Bring him around someday so I can have a look."

I did not respond. Adrian's reaction was more or less what I had expected: indifferent and dismissive.

He did not believe for a second that I was actually going on a blind date. He assumed I was only trying to provoke him, getting back at him for abandoning me on New Year's Eve to be with Rachel.

"Miss Hayley, save yourself the effort. That trick doesn't work on me." His tone stayed flat, like a man convinced he had already seen through my little scheme. "My patience has limits. I'll be waiting at the airport tomorrow. If you're late, that's on you."

I gave an absent hum. "Then you can keep waiting."

Then I hung up first.

…

The next afternoon, Adrian waited at the airport, failed to find me, and called again to demand an explanation.

I answered evenly. "If you never saw the text I sent before, I don't mind repeating it. We're over."

Adrian let out a cold, mocking laugh. "Breaking up again? How many days are you planning to keep this up before you come crawling back and beg me?"

The truth was, the times I had brought up breaking up before had been driven more by spite than anything else. I only wanted Adrian to fight for me. I wanted to hear him say, in his own words, that I was the one he cared about now, that Rachel belonged in the past.

But he never did. Even when he coaxed me back, his heart was never really in it.

Our relationship was like being caught in a powerful ocean current. Every time I gathered the strength to break free, it only dragged me deeper.

Three years were not especially long, but not short either.

Now, at last, I had made it ashore and could finally breathe fresh air again.

…

Over the next several days, Adrian went unusually quiet.

I took Isaac Calnan with me to the mall to help pick out a gift for Benedict Woolworth.

The Woolworth family and mine had once been neighbors and close family friends. Years ago, they had moved overseas and had not returned for a very long time.

This time, they were back because Ralph Woolworth's son, Benedict, had been transferred home for work. That was why they wanted to introduce him to me.

Not long ago, Isaac had happened to be in Norgona on a business trip. That night at the bar, if Adrian had not shown up, Isaac would have been the one to pick me up instead.

Afterward, we had planned to have a meal together. By pure coincidence, we ran into Adrian and Rachel at the restaurant.

When we stepped outside afterward, Isaac wore the expression of someone who had already put everything together. "That couple at the table next to us. You know them?"

I did not try to hide it. "My ex-boyfriend, and his ex."

The moment Isaac heard that, he became furious and tried to storm back inside to punch someone. I had to grab him to stop him.

Through the restaurant's glass windows, Adrian had stood there, staring blankly as the two of us struggled outside.

"Good thing you broke up. That bastard looked unreliable from the start." Isaac clicked his tongue twice. "That Woolworth guy seems solid, though. Hayley, don't let this one slip away."

I sighed helplessly. "It's just a meal to get to know him. That's all."

…

That evening, I gave Benedict the cufflinks I had picked out.

He and Adrian were completely different kinds of men. Benedict reminded me of a finely polished ruby, gentle and warm, with a quiet reserve beneath the surface.

During a lull in the meal, we chatted for a while. Then he suddenly asked, "Miss Calnan, would you like me to take a photo of you?"

"Huh?"

Benedict smiled, gentle and warm. "I just thought you look beautiful today. It would be a shame not to capture it. If you're not comfortable with that, though, that's perfectly fine."

I froze for a moment.

Of course I liked having my picture taken. Adrian had simply never had the patience to do something like that for me.

After I got home, I posted the photos Benedict had taken on my social media. One of them was a picture of the two of us together.

For the first time, Adrian actually left a comment: [Who's this guy? Someone new already?]

It was followed by a thumbs-up emoji. Every bit of it dripped with sarcasm.