Chapter 2

Hearing my answer, the two of them, father and son, threw their arms around me at once.

Sylvia's voice choked up again.

"Egbert, thank you..."

"Thank you for forgiving me, and thank you for being willing to be Eustace's father."

Eustace was still little; all he could do was burrow into my arms and echo his mother's thanks.

I caught the scent on them, and for a moment I felt dazed.

After all these years, they still smelled of pine.

It used to be my favorite scent.

I even used to buy laundry detergent in that scent to wash their clothes.

Eustace always used to cling to my leg while I hung the laundry, whining sweetly:

"Daddy smells so good! Really good!"

And Sylvia always used to say to me:

"Every time I smell the pine on you, it makes me feel so safe."

It was the scent that belonged to just the three of us.

Now, though, they carried that same scent as they held another man's body.

An aversion and revulsion I couldn't put into words rose up in me.

I pushed them away and held my breath.

"What's that smell on the two of you? It's overpowering."

Sylvia sniffed her own sleeve, then went rigid all over.

Eustace explained for her.

"This is the smell of pine. Mom said it's what Daddy used to like..."

Before he could finish, Sylvia clapped a hand over his mouth.

"It's just ordinary laundry detergent. If you don't like it, we'll switch to another kind tomorrow."

Sylvia explained it to me, careful and hesitant.

The next day, the scent on them had changed.

It was the fruity smell I used to hate most.

And of all things, Eustace kept clinging to me, asking whether I liked it.

Looking at his tender little smile.

All I could do was nod against what I felt, and once again talk myself into letting go of the past.

I am not Hudson now.

I have to do my best to play Egbert Simmons, until the day he comes back.

Come quietly, leave quietly.

That way, I can still go on fooling myself.

At least in my memories, the three of us are still as good as we ever were.

For Sylvia and Eustace as they are now.

"Egbert Simmons's" feelings are what matter most.

Because she thought "Egbert Simmons" didn't like it.

So Sylvia took the wedding ring off her hand on her own, leaving a pale band of white where it had been.

Because they thought Egbert Simmons didn't want to see anything connected to Hudson.

So Eustace put away the protective pendant I had made for him with my own hands, the one around his neck, and never wore it again.

Little by little, the two of them erased every trace of me from themselves.

And all I could do was watch it happen.

As my discharge from the hospital drew near, my stomach acted up, and I lay in bed feeling so wretched I threw up.

Eustace ran into my arms and hugged me, rubbing my belly with his warm little body.

Sylvia took time off from work on purpose and came home to make me a bowl of porridge.

Everything was just like before.

But I knew they still hadn't recognized me.

Sylvia lifted the lotus-seed porridge to my lips.

"Drink it while it's hot. The pain will stop once you do."

It was sweet, fragrant, hot porridge, and yet the smell of it stung my eyes.

I turned my face away. "I don't want it."

Sylvia's hand around the spoon froze, her voice tense.

"Isn't this your favorite? Why don't you want it all of a sudden?"

"Is your stomach still bothering you?"

And with that, she turned to go call the doctor.

Only to be cut off by my words.

"Sylvia, I'm allergic to lotus seeds. I never drink anything like this."

"That person in your mouth—who is he?"