Chapter 1

Every summer, Ethan and Leo mysteriously became allergic to me. They'd break out in red rashes all over their bodies, and we could never find the allergen.

To protect their health, I had no choice but to pack my bags and move to the suburbs alone.

I endured the blistering heat, surviving the lonely days, only wishing for the weather to cool down so I could return to them sooner.

Until that rainy day, when I heard Leo was sick. Heartbroken and anxious, I rushed home in the pouring rain to deliver his medicine.

But as I reached the door, I heard laughter from inside.

And a strange woman's voice.

"Dad, why can we only live with Vivian in the summer?"

"I wish the allergy season could last longer."

Vivian?

Ethan ruffled Leo's hair.

"Silly boy, because it's too hot in the summer, and that's when Vivian has her vacation."

"Besides, taking too many allergy pills isn't good for you. Vivian would worry."

The next second, a familiar female voice chimed in.

"You only need to eat one hazelnut, and you get to see me."

Leo clapped his hands.

"Yay! Hazelnuts are my favorite!"

Hazelnuts.

The very allergen I could never find every summer!

The cold rain pelted my face. I slowly pulled my hand back from the doorknob.

When summer finally ended, I quietly moved back home. But I locked away all my concern.

Right in front of them, I ripped the list of food restrictions off the fridge.

"Eat whatever you want," I said.

"I'm done caring about your allergies."

Leo wasn't used to this. He froze, staring at me for a long time.

After a while, he looked at me cautiously.

"Mom, are you really not going to take care of us anymore?"

I nodded expressionlessly.

The next second, his face lit up with joy. He couldn't wait to grab a hazelnut and eat it.

The anticipation in his eyes pierced my heart.

He probably thought that eating it would send him right back into Vivian's arms.

All those times I warned him, all those notes on the fridge. They were completely useless.

Ethan rushed over and slapped the hazelnut out of Leo's hand.

"Elena, what is wrong with you today? You know his allergy is severe. Something could happen to him. It's not like you just found out today."

Yes, I knew.

I had acted like a clown, meticulously avoiding every kind of nut.

Every snack, every carton of milk. I read every single ingredient, terrified of missing even a trace.

I had warned Leo over and over.

"No matter who gives you a hazelnut, you can't eat it, okay? Otherwise, you'll end up in the hospital getting shots."

I had repeated it endlessly to his teachers and classmates.

"Leo is severely allergic to hazelnuts. Please be careful."

I treated hazelnuts like a mortal enemy. But in the end, it was Ethan who gave them to Leo. Hazelnuts were their golden ticket to see Vivian.

I masked my emotions.

"He has hazelnuts in his hand. Shouldn't I be asking you how they got there?"

Panic flashed through Ethan's eyes. He muttered a quick excuse and took Leo upstairs.

They were used to me bowing my head first, waiting for me to run after them and coax them.

But not this time. Not anymore.

Ethan frowned.

"Elena, what's gotten into you today?"

Seeing my eyes red, he sighed with a hint of helplessness.

"Are you still upset? I'll find a way to cure this allergy. It's all because of this stupid summer allergy. It makes me miss being there for you when you need me most."

My fingernails dug deep into my palms.

So, he still remembered.

When I was pregnant, my mother suddenly fell gravely ill.

During that time, I dragged my heavily pregnant body to take care of her, running back and forth between the hospital and home.

But Ethan always brushed me off with "I'm too busy at work."

Later, my mother didn't make it.

Before she passed, the only thing she worried about was me and the baby in my belly.

Yet she still smiled to comfort me:

"Elena, don't be afraid. I can't be with you anymore, but you'll have the baby."

I gritted my teeth and gave birth, but the postpartum hormone crash triggered severe depression.

I was terrified of being alone. Every time I was left by myself, the darkness crept in from all sides.

I couldn't find joy in anything. Several times, I wanted to end it all, but then I thought of Leo...

To keep them safe, I practically wrapped myself in plastic every summer.

I even wore a respirator, but they acted like they couldn't even breathe the same air as me without breaking out in hives. We could never find the source.

Ethan had hurriedly packed up and left with Leo back then.

"Elena, the allergy is acting up. Just hang in there. When autumn comes, I'll bring Leo back."

I couldn't understand why it kept happening. I showered constantly, scrubbing my back until it bled.

I self-destructively thought this was God's punishment. I would lie in the bathtub, crying until I fell asleep.

Those painful summers nearly broke me.

And it was all just a sick lie.