Chapter 3

On the third day, Ferris came to the house to drop off medicine.

When I opened the door, he was visibly startled.

"Is Clemmie here?"

"She's asleep."

He handed me the bag.

"She hasn't had much of an appetite lately. The doctor said she can take this."

I didn't take it.

"You know a lot."

Ferris was silent for a moment.

"Lewis, I know you can't accept this."

"But it's not the way you think."

I laughed.

"Then what way is it?"

"The two of you worked it out—have sex once, get pregnant, then each go back to your own home?"

Ferris's expression turned ugly.

"Don't insult her."

That made me laugh out of sheer anger.

"My wife is pregnant with your child, you show up at my door, and you tell me not to insult her?"

The bedroom door suddenly opened.

Clementine came out barefoot.

"Enough."

She looked at Ferris first.

"Go home."

Ferris didn't move.

"I'm worried he'll—"

"I told you to go home!"

Clementine's voice shot up sharply.

Ferris finally left.

After the door closed, she turned to look at me.

"You did that on purpose, didn't you? Whatever you say, he did help me."

"Helped you?"

I repeated it.

"Clementine, have you forgotten that you have a husband?"

She shut her eyes.

"I haven't forgotten."

"Then what about the day the two of you slept together?"

Her body went rigid.

I stared at her. I hadn't slept more than a few hours in the last two days.

Twelve weeks—count the days backward, and it landed exactly on a night I remember very clearly.

It was the day she hauled me home from a work party.

She yanked my tie loose and cursed me for being useless.

She kissed me with red eyes.

I was so drunk I could barely stand, and I still held her and said I was sorry.

I said I might never be able to give her a child for the rest of my life.

That night, Clementine cupped my face in her hands.

"Do I need a child from you?"

That single sentence was the reason I picked myself back up.

I stared at her.

"Was it that night?"

She didn't answer.

I already had the answer in my heart.

"After I fell asleep, did you go to Ferris?"

The color drained from Clementine's lips.

"Lewis…"

Suddenly my stomach turned.

That early morning, I'd had too much to drink and woke up once in the middle of the night.

The space beside me was empty.

I thought she'd gone to the kitchen to get me water.

When I opened my eyes again, Clementine was already lying back down beside me.

She had her back to me.

Half-asleep, I reached out to hold her, and her body stiffened for a moment.

In the end she turned over and buried her face against my chest.

I remember she had a very faint scent of body wash on her.

"You counted the days?"

Clementine nodded, her eyes red.

"The doctor said the odds were high on those days."

"So once you'd coaxed me to sleep, you went to find him."

"It wasn't coaxing!"

Her voice suddenly went hoarse.

"That night I really did ache for you!"

"You sat on the floor calling yourself worthless, and I couldn't stand hearing it."

"I couldn't stand it—that's exactly why I made up my mind. I wanted to end this quickly!"

I stared at her, feeling like a piece had been scooped out of my chest.

So it was true.

Her heartache was real.

Her kiss was real too.

Her holding me and saying she didn't care was real too.

And then she waited until I was asleep, put her clothes on, and went to another man to have a child.

Clementine came over and pulled at me.

"I didn't fake my feelings for you. When I came back that night and held you, you were the one on my mind."

I threw her off hard.

"Stop."

Her tears fell.

"Lewis… I'm begging you, stop."

I had never spoken to her like that before.

Clementine froze.

I lowered my head and took off my wedding ring.

Seven years—the ring had pressed a pale ring of white into my skin.

I looked at it for a while, then set the ring on the entryway cabinet.

Clementine's face changed completely.

"Why are you taking it off?"

"It chafes."

Suddenly she went quiet.

That night, I packed a suitcase.

Clementine sat on the edge of the bed watching me.

She didn't say a word to stop me.

She probably figured I'd stay in a hotel a couple of days and then come back.

After all, every time we fought before, I was always the one to back down first.

She had always known I loved her.

So it had never once occurred to her that my love could run out one day too.