Chapter 2

Those words hit me like a punch to the face.

I can’t breathe.

I stare at Nathan, sleeping on our couch, in disbelief.

He murmurs into the cushion.

“Saff, don’t be like that.”

“I’ll come back and remarry you when I get tired of playing around.”

He always calls me Soph.

Saff. Soph.

All this time, the name he was whispering — it was hers, not mine.

I let out a self-deprecating laugh.

My stomach turns so hard I stumble into the bathroom.

I grab the toilet, and dry-heave until tears sting my eyes.

When I finally stand, my elbow knocks something off the counter.

A box of condoms hits the floor.

Strawberry-flavored.

Nathan has been all over me lately.

A whole box is almost gone in two weeks.

More than once, he has whispered in my ear in that low, coaxing voice.

“Soph, give me a baby.”

“Come on. Whether the baby looks like you or me, it’ll be adorable.”

But I just won a photography award.

Work is crazy. I can barely find time to breathe.

So I keep turning him down.

“Nathan, I want to focus on work right now.”

One time, when I refused him again, something dark moved through his eyes.

“Do you not love me anymore?”

He kept asking if I loved him, and I mistook his possessiveness for love.

That night, I said no, he backed down first.

“Okay,” he said quietly. “Whatever you want.”

I’ve always been a sucker for that soft side of his.

So in the end, I still gave him a promise.

“After this busy stretch is over,” I told him, “we can try for a baby. Okay?”

He smiled like a little boy who has just been handed candy.

Then he buried his face in my neck.

His voice was muffled and happy.

“You finally said yes.”

Back then, I thought he was insecure because he loved me too much.

Chloe even said, “You’re young and beautiful. Of course he wants to lock you down with a baby. Classic move from an older rich guy.”

Now I know.

Nathan doesn’t lack security.

He lacks the perfect little family he wants with Saffron.

And I just happen to be the woman who’s supposed to have their baby.

My hands shake so badly I can barely hold the phone.

The video keeps playing.

Saffron slowly climbs into Nathan’s lap, her wet eyes lifted to his face.

“Nathan, I’m still not convinced.”

“You really will divorce her after the baby is born, right?”

Nathan leans forward and kisses her.

“What are you scared of?” he asks. “Don’t you have confidence in yourself?”

Saffron finally relaxes, like that’s all the permission she needs.

“You’re right,” she murmurs. “After all, our marriage was a family alliance.”

She nestles into his chest.

Her voice goes soft and spoiled.

“But hurry, okay? I’m waiting for you to bring our baby home.”

Nathan wraps one of her curls around his finger.

He answers casually.

Then the video ends.

I turn off the screen.

What a sweet little family reunion.

So what the hell am I?

What about all those projects I rushed through so I could make time to prepare for a baby?

I look around the home I built with my own hands.

Suddenly, all of it feels ridiculous.

A few minutes later, I open my laptop.

I’d gotten an email three days ago and left it unanswered.

A wildlife photography project in Australia.

It’s a two-year assignment, and I won’t be able to return home during the contract.

I type my reply.

[I’ll take the Australia assignment.]

The reply comes back within minutes.

[Ms. Lane, are you sure? The project lasts two years, and you won’t be able to return during the contract. Does your husband, Mr. Hale, know?]

Then I type one line.

[Yes. I’ll see you at the airport in three days.]

Nathan doesn’t need to know.

Because he doesn’t deserve to be my husband anymore.