Chapter 1

Ken Butler and I dated in secret for three years, on the same esports team.

He was the genius rookie, the seeded star. I was the life-support assistant who poured the tea and carried the water.

In private, when no one was around, he told me more than once, soft and coaxing.

"The glory on the stage belongs to the crowd."

"But my weak spot and my real heart, those are only yours."

So I held Ken's dream up with everything I had.

Then a new girl joined the team. Myrtle Swanson.

One name cold, one name blaze, and their personalities matched.

Everyone said the two of them had that couple chemistry.

Ken waved it off and pulled me in close to soothe me. "Don't be jealous. You're the only one I love."

But the name Myrtle came out of his mouth more and more often.

Early one morning, Ken suddenly announced the team wanted buns.

I worked at it until deep into the night, and Myrtle only took one bite, frowned, and spat it out.

Ken hurried to throw every last bun into the trash.

My fingers locked hard around the cold door handle.

In that moment, I suddenly understood. A bun goes cold, you can still eat it.

But... once a person changes, there's no keeping them.

...

I swallowed the bun down in a few bites.

The savory taste of pork and mushroom spread slowly across my tongue.

It was Ken's favorite.

I leaned against the hallway wall.

My shoulders sagged without my meaning them to.

The lounge door opened.

Ken saw me, and his eyes drifted everywhere but at me.

Once he saw the hall was empty, he took a few steps closer.

"Summer Sullivan, I want the breakfast bagels from Harmony Bakery."

"Remember, no sauce."

The corner of my mouth pulled down into something cold.

"Were the buns good?"

Ken's throat rolled tight as he swallowed.

"They were good. Just didn't fill me up."

He faked it well.

Well enough that I almost thought I'd seen it wrong.

A few more figures came into the hall.

Some of the other players spotted Ken and slung their arms over his shoulders.

"Ken, what're you up to?"

Ken leaned back a little and raised his voice.

"Assistant Sullivan, don't forget to buy me breakfast."

Then he turned and walked off toward the training room with his teammates.

I watched the back of him going down the hall.

My spine curved a little, for no reason at all.

In the end, I still walked out the company doors.

Harmony Bakery was on the east side of town, the company on the west.

I took a cab to Harmony Bakery.

I'd just bought breakfast when my phone started buzzing nonstop in my pocket.

Messages kept popping up in the team group chat.

One after another, people called out their breakfast orders.

Every kind of picky demand came at me at once.

I skimmed them and bought each one exactly as asked.

By the time I wanted to leave, thin threads of rain had started to fall.

I climbed into the ride-hailing car with the big bags of breakfast.

Just short of the company, the road jammed and didn't move an inch.

It was clear traffic wouldn't clear anytime soon.

I gritted my teeth and pushed the door open.

It was only three kilometers left to the company. A shared bike would get me there fast.

The second I got on the bike, the rain came down in sheets.

It struck my face, stinging so hard I couldn't keep my eyes open.

I squinted and pushed forward, slow.

Almost at the company building, anxious about the time,

my wheel skidded and I went down hard on the ground.

My phone kept buzzing.

More messages in the group chat, pushing me to hurry.

I couldn't spare a thought for my own scrapes. I braced against the ground and got up.

By the time I knocked on the training room door,

I was already soaked through like a drowned rat.

"Breakfast's here."

Ken's voice came first.

"Why so slow?"

When the door opened, his gaze went a little blank.

I wiped a hand over my rain-smeared face and held the breakfast out to him.

He frowned and said nothing.

It was the others who jumped when they saw me.

"Summer, go change your clothes, quick."

I nodded and turned away without a word.

In the changing room, a message flashed up on my phone screen.

The contact name read "My Favorite Baby."

It was Ken, sneaking me a message to comfort me.

"Don't catch a cold."

"There are a lot of people around the team. This is all I can do."

I dried my half-wet hair, my expression a little dazed.

In the end I didn't reply.

I just scrolled quietly through my phone.

Myrtle had posted a new update to her feed.

"Turns out somebody really does remember my little habits!"

The picture with it was the breakfast bagels I'd bought.

The exact one Ken had gone out of his way to specify when he told me to get breakfast.

So it turned out he'd bought it for Myrtle.

My fingertips grew heavier and heavier.

Screenshot. Send.

At the top of the chat, it kept showing that he was typing.

Ken only sent back a few words.

"We'll talk when we get home."

I stared for a moment, then deleted that cloying contact name.

Eleven thirty. Back to work again.

I gripped the mop and walked into the training room.

Ken glanced up at me, then pulled his eyes away fast.

The match ended, and everyone stood to go eat.

Ken had just straightened up when his body suddenly swayed.

I was standing right beside him, and my hand went out on instinct.

But he spent his last scrap of strength tilting away.

Falling straight into Myrtle's arms.

"Ken, what's wrong!"

He lay against her, fine cold sweat beading along his brow.

Out of long habit, I fished out the chocolate I always kept in my pocket.

Peeled the wrapper, slid it steadily between his lips.

Years of brutal training.

Ken's blood sugar crashed again and again.

For three years, I'd always carried chocolate on me.

Back in the day, dizzy after training, he'd always lean quietly against me.

And I'd feed him the sugar, the two of us silent.

But now he'd given his own breakfast to Myrtle.

Even fainting, he'd run to her on instinct.

Once the chocolate was in him, his color eased a little.

Myrtle held him, then turned her head to give me an order.

"Summer, could you go get a cup of hot water?"

I hurried out and brought back the hot water.

When I pushed the door open again, Ken looked much better.

But he was still leaning in Myrtle's arms.

He raised his eyes and asked her, low and full of concern.

"Did I hurt you when I fell?"

"Good thing you ate breakfast, or what if you'd fainted too?"

The water inside the cup was scalding.

And yet my hands were strangely cold.

Ken, I'm starting to not want you anymore.