Chapter 1

I signed the surgical consent forms myself. Didn't tell Mom and Dad.

I thought I could just die quietly under anesthesia. No more suffering from this disease.

But the moment that mask came down over my face, I heard Jason's voice:

"Last time. Once Emma finishes the principal dancer audition, we won't need to give Ruby the injections anymore."

Mom was crying her heart out. "But Ruby is only eighteen. What about the rest of her life!"

"Mrs. Carter, it won't ruin her whole life." Jason's voice was low, guilty and stubborn. "Just one year. After Emma gets into that ballet company, I'll help Ruby train for next year."

"I'll coach her through everything she missed. Whatever company she wants, I'll go with her. It's just one year. She can catch up."

Dad's voice was shaking. "So... do we give her the shot today?"

"Yes." Jason was silent for a few seconds. "Let her sleep another month. She'll miss this audition, and once Emma gets her contract, I'll make it up to Ruby. I'll give her back her life."

So I never had a muscle-wasting illness.

It was that "vitamin shot" that made my muscles deteriorate. That "supplement" kept me drowsy.

He said he'd make it up to me in a year.

He didn't know that before entering the operating room, I'd already swallowed an entire bottle of paraquat.

…

The operating room lights were bright.

Glaring white, hurting my eyes.

I lay on the operating table, covered with a green sheet. Cold. So cold.

The anesthesiologist walked over, holding a transparent mask.

"Don't be nervous, Ruby. Just a few breaths and you'll fall asleep."

I nodded.

I clutched a small bottle in my palm. The bottle was already empty.

Half an hour earlier, in the changing room, I drank all of that paraquat.

No one noticed.

Mom and Dad were waiting in the corridor.

Jason was there too.

He was my boyfriend and my childhood best friend.

We'd known each other for eighteen years.

He told me, Ruby, don't be scared, after this surgery, your illness will be cured.

He told me, Ruby, when you get better, I'll take you to the ocean.

He told me, Ruby, I'll always be with you.

But now he was saying in a low voice, "Last time. Once Emma finishes the audition, we won't need to give Ruby the injections anymore."

I always thought Jason was the best person in the world to me.

We grew up together.

When we were kids, he protected me, chased away the boys who bullied me.

When we got older, he took care of me. Brought me my bag on rainy days, helped me with technique before performances.

Until a year ago, when I started having frequent back pain.

I went to the hospital for tests. The doctor said it might be a muscle disorder and needed further diagnosis.

During that time, Jason was especially concerned about me.

He came to see me every day after rehearsal, brought me snacks, and chatted with me.

"Ruby, don't worry. Whatever this is, I'll be with you."

Later, Jason said he knew a specialist who treated neurological disorders, and told me to try seeing him.

Mom and Dad were happy and took me right away.

That specialist did all kinds of tests at the hospital, then looked at the results with a serious expression.

"Muscle degeneration. Already at the stage where you need intervention."

Mom and Dad cried on the spot.

I cried too.

Jason stood beside me, holding my hand. "Ruby, don't be scared. I'm here."

Looking back now, his hand was warm.

But his heart was cold.