Chapter 1

I used to be a chubby girl, almost two hundred pounds. But over the past year, I've lost a ton of weight.

Zach, my childhood sweetheart, promised me one thing before he left to study abroad.

"When I get back, I'll tell everyone we're together."

Today he's coming home.

I finally spot him walking through the airport doors.

My heart starts racing. I never told him I'd lost the weight.

I tighten my grip on the flowers, ready to surprise him.

But someone gets to him before I can.

A girl in a white dress runs up to him and throws her arms around him.

Then he bends down and kisses her.

Easy. Familiar. Like he's done it a thousand times.

I freeze.

I know her. Cara, the most popular girl on campus.

Cara settles against his chest and smiles up at him.

"So where's your chubby childhood sweetheart? She didn't come pick you up?"

Zach lets out a short laugh.

"She doesn't even know I'm back."

"Doesn't she follow you around everywhere?"

"She's so exhausting." He sounds annoyed just talking about her. "Our parents are close. Otherwise, I would've cut her off years ago."

"Before I left, I gave her my buddy's number and told her it was my new one. He's been texting her back all year."

Cara pulls away and looks at him.

"She talked to some random guy for a whole year and never figured it out?"

"She was so happy I texted her back. Didn't even notice."

The flowers slip out of my grip.

--

Zach and I grew up in the same neighborhood.

In elementary school, he chases off the boys who make fun of my weight. In middle school, when I can't keep up in PE, he slows down to wait for me, pretending to be annoyed.

That's when I start liking him.

When we're alone, he eats the lunches I pack for him and spends hours on my couch playing video games.

But the moment other people are around, he looks straight through me. The most I ever get is a quick nod in the hallway.

I ask him about it once. He tells me the guys he plays ball with have big mouths. He doesn't want them giving me a hard time.

I believe that too.

So this past year, I give up bubble tea. I give up everything sweet. I run three miles every morning and every night.

One day, I pass out on the track because my blood sugar drops too low.

When I come to, the first thing I ask the coach is whether the workout still counts.

I put myself through all of that because I think he finally cares about me.

I snap back to reality when my phone buzzes.

Zach is still standing there with his arms around Cara, laughing at something she says.

He hasn't even touched his phone. He hasn't even glanced in my direction.

But the notification is from the account he just said wasn't his.

[baby, you up?]

[don't just have coffee again, okay?]

So who exactly has been talking to me this whole time?

...

I leave the airport, get in my car, and open the chat history.

The number he gave me has been his buddy's all along. Looking back, it all makes sense now.

At first, the replies are short. Cold, almost.

[How's the exchange program?]

[Fine.]

[Did you eat?]

[Yeah.]

Days go by without a reply. He's never been much of a texter anyway, so I tell myself he's just tired.

Until one night, I type: I know I'm a lot. I just missed you. Please don't be mad at me.

An hour later, he replies.

[You're not a lot. I'm sorry. I'll do better.]

After that, everything changes.

He starts checking in every day. He remembers when I'm having cramps and tells me to stop skipping meals.

One evening, he notices I've eaten nothing but a piece of corn all day and spends twenty minutes lecturing me over text.

On my birthday, I don't get a single message from Zach's real account.

But at midnight, the other one sends: happy birthday. I hope you have a really good year.

That's the night I decide to lose the weight.

I think Zach finally cares about me. I think if I just get a little smaller, a little prettier, he'll stop hiding me from everyone.

Now I know none of those messages ever came from him.

I wash my face and open my photo album.

One of the pictures is from a year ago.

Oversized hoodie. Chubby face. Sitting between two desserts and grinning at the camera.

I send it to the account.

[good morning, baby~]