Chapter 2

"Christy, just stay inside. The police will be here soon to talk to you," Samantha said, patting my shoulder with a heavy, sympathetic sigh.

"You really need to grow up and be stronger now."

It turned out that when you reach the absolute peak of grief, you can't actually cry. I stood frozen in the hallway for a long time. I didn't even notice when Samantha left.

I felt so suffocated. My heart was racing. I wanted to throw up.

I ran into the bathroom, clutching the toilet, and gagged violently. But nothing came out.

I touched my face. It was completely dry. I hadn't shed a single tear.

Mom, look. I learned my lesson. I won't cry over every little thing anymore.

Can you guys come back now? I promise I won't be so fragile.

This had to be a nightmare. I stumbled back into the living room.

The dinner Mom had just made was still sitting on the table. I had even covered it with foil to keep it warm for them.

I knelt on the floor to pick up the sharp ceramic pieces of the mug Mom had broken. A jagged edge sliced deep into my finger. Blood quickly dripped onto the hardwood floor.

I panicked, grabbing a towel to scrub it clean. Mom had just mopped yesterday. I couldn't leave her house dirty.

We were supposed to have a perfect Christmas weekend together when they got back.

How did things end up like this?

It was you, Christy. It’s because you had to have that steak. That’s why they went out.

You are a murderer.

They are all dead. Why are you still here?

I pushed open my bedroom door, crawled onto the bed, and wrapped myself tightly in my parents' jackets. I wanted to drown in their familiar scent.

I remembered when I was little and too scared to sleep alone. Mom would always laugh, pull me into their bed, and tuck me right between her and Dad.

If only I could go back to that time. I would never be a sensitive, difficult child again.

I would be bright and outgoing, just like Maya.

My body felt colder and colder. Before I lost consciousness, a few blurry thoughts drifted through my mind.

Will they come to guide me to the afterlife? Or will they hate me forever?

I already know I was wrong.

I won't cry easily anymore.

I will share all my toys with Maya.

I will smile and say hi to all the neighbors.

I will be good. I will let Maya have everything she wants.

Just please don't leave me behind. I can change.

I curled myself into a tight, tiny ball on my side, just like I used to do in Mom's belly.