Chapter 3

Bernard turned his eyes on me and pulled a document out of his briefcase.

"If you want to marry into the Lambert family, there are rules you have to follow. Everything this family has built, it built on these rules."

Then he simply started reading the thing out loud.

"Rule number one. Your parents' word is law. It is never to be defied."

When he finished, Bernard shot me a look. "You already broke rule one. Your very first day in this house and you're talking back to my mother."

Ethel jumped in right away. "Exactly. This Amy has no manners at all. I say one thing and she fires back three."

The whole family sat there staring at me.

I picked up the document and said, in no hurry at all, "Actually, I think I fit rule one just fine."

"Fit it how? You talk back to my mother and you still have the nerve to call yourself dutiful?"

"Of course I'm good to my parents. I never talk back to my mother. But Ethel here is your mother, not mine."

I turned to look at Ethel.

"Have I ever eaten a single meal in this house? Did you ever raise me?"

"You married Dustin, so from now on you do as I say. That's the rule in the Lambert family."

Gwyneth, the older sister, was right there to pile on.

"That's right. A mother-in-law is a mother too. You don't even understand that much?"

I ignored the whole lot of them and fixed my eyes on Bernard's wife, Edith.

"Edith, you married into the Lamberts too. Have you followed all these rules?"

Edith clearly hadn't expected me to speak to her. She cleared her throat and said, "Naturally. I've always done exactly as Mom says."

Bernard cut in coldly from the side. "You think everyone's as ill-bred as you, talking back to my mother her first day in the house?"

"Right. The manners in the Lambert family are a cut above what you'd find in ordinary homes."

I looked at the whole aggressive lot of them and turned to Ethel without a moment's hesitation. "Well, since your daughter-in-law says she never talks back to you, why don't you prove it to me?"

At my words the Lamberts all looked over, Bernard especially, his brow knotting tight, as if he could sense something bad was coming.

But there was no backing down now. If they backed down, everything they'd just said would be worth nothing.

"Of course. Edith is a daughter-in-law of the Lambert family, and she's always done as I say. Whatever I tell her to do, she does."

"Is that so? Then if you told her to eat dirt, would she eat it?"

The living room went dead quiet. The Lamberts all sat there with their eyes bulging at me, and even Dustin was yanking hard on my arm.

Ethel pointed at me, her finger shaking.

"You—you—Dustin, look at what you've dragged home. Is there a shred of decency in this? She's nothing but a foul-mouthed shrew."

Bernard was furious too. "To say something that disgusting out loud. She really has no upbringing at all."