Chapter 4

Sunday morning, Rodriguez left to play basketball.

I pulled a suitcase out of the closet, unzipped it, and started packing.

Clothes, skincare, a few books — not even half a suitcase.

In my jewelry box: one pair of earrings and a necklace. Both things I'd bought myself.

I scanned the bedroom one last time. That was everything that belonged to me.

Three years. Half a suitcase.

I wheeled it to the front door, put on my shoes, and looked back one more time.

The wedding photo on the coffee table — I left it.

I walked to the door and opened the lock panel. Found the password change option.

Old password: 0912.

I looked at the blank input field and paused for a second. Then I typed four digits.

The password I'd set the first day we moved in. Our wedding anniversary.

The one he changed right in front of me. I changed it back.

Confirm. The lock beeped. The screen flashed.

I wheeled my suitcase out, and the door clicked shut behind me.

I took a car to Ellis's place and rolled the suitcase into the guest room.

Ellis helped me make the bed. Halfway through, she stopped.

"You okay?"

"I'm okay."

"Do you need to cry?"

"No."

She finished pulling on the pillowcase and smoothed it flat.

"Are you hungry? I made soup."

"That sounds good."

I was sitting at Ellis's kitchen table drinking soup when my phone started buzzing.

Rodriguez called three times. I didn't pick up.

Then texts.

Where are you?

Why won't the code work?

Joel, answer me.

I picked up the last call.

"What the hell are you doing?"

He was loud. He'd probably been standing at the door for a while.

"I changed the password."

"Changed it to what?"

"I'm not telling you."

"This is my apartment. You changed the lock and you're not going to tell me?"

"You're right. It is your apartment."

Silence on the line.

"Where are you?"

"I moved out."

"Stop this and come home. Change it back."

"I'm not coming back."

"Over one dinner you're really going to do this?"

I held my bowl. The soup was still steaming.

"It's not about the dinner."

"Then what is it about?"

"Because that was never my home."

"You lived there for three years."

"The passwords were her birthday. The safe had her ring. The closet had her letters. You took me to dinner at your place with her. I lived there for three years and never once felt like I'd actually moved in."

He went quiet.

"Call a locksmith. I won't give you the new code."

I hung up. Ellis sat across from me and didn't say a word.

After a while she said, "Your soup's getting cold."

"Right." I drank it.

My phone buzzed a few more times. I put it on silent and flipped it over.

About half an hour later, the screen lit up again.

Rodriguez. He'd gotten a locksmith. The door was open.

I changed your password too.

I took a screenshot and saved it to a new folder.

"Changed it back?" Ellis glanced over.

"Probably back to 0912."

She sighed. "He can change the number. He can't change what he lost."

Outside, the sky was going dark. The light in Ellis's living room was warm yellow.

I sat on the couch and noticed it for the first time.

Three years in Rodriguez's apartment, and I never once registered what color the lights were.