Chapter 1

When I was ten, I took a bullet to the heart from a kidnapper to protect the boy next door.

My parents and his family spent everything they had to give me a mechanical heart.

He knelt at my hospital bed, trembling as he said,

"Davi, from this day on I'll be your heart on the outside. I'll never let anyone hurt you, not even a little."

Then, the night before our wedding, Darrell James pressed my heart's pause button for the sixth time, just so he could go to a bachelor party with his girl friends.

"Davina Taylor, since you can't think straight while your heart's beating, then let's just stop it for a while."

With that, he walked out the door without a backward glance, and left my weak, empty body crumpled on the floor.

With the last of my strength, I gave a bitter smile and sent a message to someone else.

"Paused for the sixth time. I don't have a chance left."

"I agree to let you take me to the Arctic. Give my body and my mechanical heart to the research institute for study."

……

Once the message was sent, I lay flat on the floor, phone still in my hand.

Moving only enough to blink, nothing more.

Over in the wedding-prep group chat.

Melissa Finch tagged me.

"Davi, why aren't you coming to Darrell's bachelor party to have some fun with us?"

"He's gone completely wild, insisting I play strip rock-paper-scissors with him, lose a round and lose a piece of clothing."

"I'm game, I'll strip if I lose, but now he won't let me. Come rein him in, would you?"

The moment my finger touched the screen, I saw Darrell's reply.

"Christ, Melissa, could you have a little sense of danger like a woman should?"

"Those guys are practically drooling over you, and you still want to strip? You're out of your damn mind!"

By then, my mechanical heart had stopped beating for a good while, and yet, for no reason I could name, I felt the pain of it.

I thought of the gathering where Darrell first introduced me to Melissa.

Melissa had eagerly suggested everyone play that game, strip rock-paper-scissors, one round lost, one piece off.

It was my first time in a bar, that place thick with smoke, the speakers pounding.

I was nervous, and lost three rounds in a row.

Darrell peeled off my clothes for me each time.

By the fourth round, Melissa got angry. She grabbed the whiskey bottle and downed the liquor inside in one go.

Then she jabbed a finger at Darrell, furious.

"You want to show off your love, take it home. I'm trying to play a game here, and you keep meddling. What's your problem?"

"Fine, I'm done, I'm done. This is a headache."

With that, Melissa swayed to her feet, drunk, and stumbled toward the exit, straight into the arms of a man walking by.

He caught her with a nasty grin, tipping her chin up with one finger.

Melissa frowned and spat in his face, told him to get lost.

That set the man off. He clamped an arm around her and started hauling her out of the bar.

Seeing that, Darrell couldn't sit still any longer.

He got up, wrenched Melissa back, and threw two punches that sent the man running.

Then he coaxed Melissa, all softness.

"My lady, I'm sorry, okay? I'll make Davina strip right now, we'll follow the rules of the game."

I couldn't take it. I wanted to leave early.

But Darrell easily pressed my mechanical heart's pause button through my dress, and I couldn't move.

Watching me turn into a wooden doll, Melissa was fascinated.

She stopped making a fuss, sat down beside me, ran her hands all over me, studying me carefully for a long while.

Then her eyes darted, and she proposed a new punishment.

"Stripping three pieces really is too hard on your girlfriend. Why not just leave her sitting here alone like this for two hours as her penalty?"

"See whether someone 'picks' her up."

"Darrell, do you dare try this little game with me?"