Chapter 4

"Julian, I can explain."

"Yesterday was Clement's birthday. She doesn't have any friends here, so she just wanted me to spend some time with her."

"I just celebrated her birthday with her, nothing else happened."

"It was wrong of me to lie to you, and I apologize."

"I was just afraid you'd be angry, afraid you'd overthink things!"

"I was wrong. If you mind, I won't see her again."

"She's just a friend."

"Julian, please don't ignore me. Say something, okay?

"Don't scare me!"

Since we got home, Smith had said a lot. Explanations, apologies, self-reproach.

I wanted to speak, but my throat felt like it was stuffed with cotton.

I couldn't utter a single word.

I didn't know where to start, or what to say.

Finally, I managed to say, one word at a time, "Smith, let's get a divorce."

My words made Smith tremble violently.

He clenched his fists, closing his eyes tightly. When he opened them again, it was as if he had suppressed his furious emotions.

"Nothing really happened between her and me. We just had some drinks and talked."

"Julian, please don't be like this, okay? I know you're angry, I was wrong, I messed up, I'll accept any punishment."

"But you have to believe me, I didn't do anything to betray you!"

What exactly did he consider "betraying me"?

"You must have hugged, you probably kissed. You smell of her perfume. And here..." I pointed to his lips, "a bite mark!"

Smith flinched, his lips tightening.

I looked at him in despair.

"How much further do we need to go? Catching you red-handed in bed? You were in a room together, all night. How am I supposed to believe you?"

"Smith, how can I believe you?"

Smith slumped his head in defeat. He knelt on one knee before me, wanting to touch me but not daring to.

"Julian, I was wrong! I was foolish, I lost my head, but I swear, nothing more happened."

"I'm begging you, for the sake of all these years we've been together, for the sake of our child who's about to be born, please give me one more chance."

How laughable.

He knew about our years of shared history, he knew our child was coming.

Yet he still did all this, and he still hoped I would forgive him for their sake.

Layer upon layer of emotions, memory after memory, each one tearing me apart.

I looked around frantically, then my gaze fell on my own belly.

Tears fell uncontrollably, and my sobs sounded like a trapped animal.

Smith protectively reached for me, "Julian, what's wrong?"

His voice was like a match, instantly igniting me.

I finally burst into loud sobs.

"I want a divorce! I want a divorce from you!"