Chapter 3

Felix's computer stayed synced to the messaging app year-round, and I'd never been in the habit of checking his messages. After the baby came, I had even less mind to care about any of it.

I sat in front of the chair and dragged slowly through the chat history.

Last year, Jade told me she was going abroad for a study program. But the program was a lie. Those overseas scenery photos in her posts were a lie too. The whole year I spent in postpartum depression, she spent that same year at Felix's side.

At first they were just online friends. Felix would ask her what I liked and what I hated. He'd share how my treatment was going. Then, little by little, their conversations drifted, and I stopped appearing in them at all. Literature, travel, movies—they talked about everything. And when Jade asked about me, Felix usually said he was tired. Worn out.

I finally understood that Felix's talent wasn't limited to his work. His acting was seamless. The day he poured his heart out to Jade about being at his most exhausted was my birthday.

Felix had been rushing around prepping the meal. Because I was no good at comforting the baby, I made the baby cry, and Felix came running out of the kitchen to soothe it. Watching him hold the child in his apron, I said,

"Felix, I'm sorry…"

I fought to hold back the tears, and still they came. I wasn't fit for this. I wasn't a good wife or a good mother. After giving birth, I'd become someone I didn't even recognize.

Felix settled the baby, then pulled me into his arms. He wiped my tears.

"Don't say sorry. I'm your husband. This is what I'm supposed to do."

I laughed softly. My tears dripped onto the desk mat.

Reading further down, I finally understood what that post earlier had meant. My sister-in-law and my mother-in-law had met Jade long ago. They'd all had meals together. Sometimes Felix even brought the baby along.

Last month, Jade posted a group photo from her phone and fished with it.

"That day your mom even said it would be nice if I were her daughter-in-law."

"Nellie's been sick a whole year now. Taking the meds or not makes no difference. Mostly, I just don't want her holding you back."

So that was why Felix had been swapping my medication.

I shut off the computer and made a decision.

That night, a fever took hold of me. Burning, half-conscious, I suddenly heard a baby crying.

Every hair on my body stood on end. I pushed myself upright and found I was sleeping in the guest room. The door was locked from the outside, and only the occasional flash of lightning lit the floor-to-ceiling window.

"Felix. Felix, is that the baby crying out there?"

This whole year, the hardest thing to bear had been the baby's cries. Every time I heard the baby cry, I remembered the unbearable agony of the day I gave birth. Felix had always known this, so at night he stayed watchful over whether the baby might cry.

No answer came. But the crying only grew louder.

I pounded at the door until my hands were swollen and flushed with blood, and the fever left my body weaker, the strength draining out of me.

Outside the door came Jade's laugh.

"See? The desensitization therapy is working. Looks like it won't be long before Nellie's back to normal."

Felix's voice carried a smile too.

"Thank you."

Then he spoke to me through the door.

"Nellie, that crying is a recording Jade and I made ahead of time. It's all to help your treatment. Your illness hasn't improved this whole year. Maybe I've been too soft."

"It'll feel uncomfortable at first, but you'll adjust quickly. Jade and I will both be here with you."

As he said it, he let Jade turn up the pre-recorded crying.

Only then did I realize a hidden speaker had been installed in the guest room. Every door and window in the house had soundproofing, so from outside the door you couldn't hear how loud it was, and the neighbors knew nothing at all.

I clamped my hands over my ears and dropped to the floor, my whole body convulsing.

The door opened. Felix saw me collapsed on the floor and instinctively stepped forward. But Jade caught his arm.

"Felix, don't rush it. Nellie needs time to adjust. Let's go back out and give her some space."

She had Felix leave first. Jade looked down at me and suddenly smiled.

I forced my eyes open, and then everything went black.