Chapter 1

Ever since I gained weight during puberty, my childhood friend Chase stopped talking to me on his own initiative.

But on the day of the NYU guaranteed admission interview, he handed me a glass of milk.

I was so touched that I drank it all.

When I woke up, I found my long hair scattered all over the floor.

The head cheerleader, Vivian White, was holding scissors and smiling sweetly:

"Chase, this sleeping pill of yours works really well. I've almost shaved this pig bald."

Meeting my disbelieving eyes, Chase only said indifferently:

"Vivian lost at Truth or Dare. If she didn't cut your hair, she'd have to add random guys on SnapChat on the street."

"You're fat anyway. You don't look good with or without hair."

The person who once said he'd marry me when my hair reached my waist had changed.

That day I dried my tears.

And quietly changed my guaranteed admission choice to Oxford University, thousands of miles away.

The head in the mirror looked like it had been gnawed by a dog.

My carefully maintained long hair now stuck up in tufts here, bald patches there.

Ugly and ridiculous.

My hand holding the comb was shaking badly.

With just a light brush, broken strands kept falling.

Mixed with my unstoppable tears, they fell into the sink.

It felt like my heart was being torn open.

I really wanted to rush out and demand answers from Chase.

Why exactly did he use my hair to pay for Vivian's game?

But the interview was about to start.

I bit my lip hard.

I couldn't go out like this.

My trembling hands tried to press down the standing hairs, tried to pull the remaining long hair from the back forward to cover it.

But it was all futile.

The person in the mirror looked wretched and laughable.

Like a complete clown.

"Hey, did you hear? Vivian actually cut that fat pig Evelyn's hair!"

Suddenly the sound of several girls laughing came from outside the stall.

My whole body stiffened, and I shrank miserably into the innermost stall.

"Really?"

"Of course it's real! To make sure Vivian got the guaranteed admission, Chase even went to buy sleeping pills to put in the milk. Otherwise, how could Evelyn have slept so deeply?"

"Oh my god, Evelyn is pretty pathetic though."

"Pathetic? She's a fat pig who doesn't know her place, insisting on liking Chase and blocking Vivian's path to guaranteed admission. She deserves it!"

"Exactly. How dare a pig like the baseball team captain? Everyone knows Chase and Vivian have been a couple for ages. He only humors that fat pig because of their families' relationship."

"It's hilarious just thinking about it. She actually thought Chase could be interested in her? She should take a good look at herself in the mirror."

Those undisguised taunts pierced into my ears like needles.

Puncturing my last bit of self-deceiving fantasy.

Separated by only a thin door panel, I slowly slid down to sit on the floor.

I even forgot to cry.

I just felt like my bones had frozen, shivering from the cold.

So that's how it was.

What adolescent sensitivity and caring about appearances.

What maintaining distance in front of classmates.

All lies.

He simply thought I was embarrassing.

Not worthy of him.

So he could easily use my hair to please Vivian.

Could permit or even assist her in destroying the interview I'd carefully prepared for years.

Just to clear obstacles on her path to guaranteed admission.

Countless details from these years floated before my eyes.

When I fell while running, he frowned and said "how can you be so careless," then quickly walked away, leaving others snickering around me.

The breakfast I brought him, he passed to someone else.

When I gathered courage to try walking alongside him after school, he quickened his pace, leaving me far behind.

Every time, I made excuses for myself.

He's under study pressure, he's in a bad mood, boys are all like this...

I was so stupid.

Stupid enough to think that as long as I starved myself to lose weight and got top grades, I could get close to him.

That I could make that gentle childhood promise have even a slight possibility of coming true.

But it turned out.

During every day and night I struggled in pain to be worthy of him.

In his eyes, I was just a pestering fat pig.

He and someone else had been a default couple all along.

My heart felt like it was being violently squeezed by a large hand. It hurt so much I couldn't breathe, yet was so numb not a single tear would flow.

I curled up on the cold, dirty bathroom floor.

The girls outside had long since left. The world was terrifyingly quiet.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. It was a message from Mom:

"Evelyn, how was the interview? Don't be nervous, Mom believes in you."

I looked at those words, my vision blurring then clearing again.

Then, I typed out a reply word by word.

"Mom, go to Chase's house and cancel the engagement."

"But don't let him know yet."