A Stray Cat Walks Into The ER

I’ve been able to understand animals since I was born.

When I was three, the old golden retriever at my grandma’s house started barking frantically at me.

[Don't drink that! There’s rat poison in the soup!]

I got so scared I knocked the bowl of chicken soup off the table. Half an hour later, a rat that licked up the spill on the floor dropped dead by the baseboard, foaming at the mouth.

When I was seven, the neighbor's pet canary spent all day cursing out their nanny.

[Thief! Stole the money and hid it under the bed!]