Parrot From Hell: My Buddy's Revenge

My wife, Anne Brighton, gives me a gray parrot.

Every single day, it looks me in the eye and screeches, "Go to hell!"

I send it to a parrot rehabilitation center, where they place it in a mirrored cage and play "I'm a good bird" on loop, three thousand times a day.

Here's the thing—I've been reborn.

In my past life, that parrot came into our home knowing only two phrases—"So ugly" and "Go to hell".

At first, I believed it was merely mimicking what it had heard.

But then my body began to fail. Sleep was the first to go.