The Day the Acceptance Letters Arrived

On the day the college acceptance letters arrived, my mom made three phone calls in a row.

The first was to my grandmother:

"Did the Carter family tombstone explode yet? ...Ah, it didn't? Then it must be emitting holy light! Go check it out right now!"

The second was to my dad:

"My daughter got into Columbia University! Near perfect SATs! Did your son even graduate? Oh, I almost forgot, your son couldn't even get into a decent high school, he's graduating from some trade school this year, right? Found a job yet? Ahahahaha."