The "Monster Child" and Her Capitalist Mom

On a family reality show, my daughter tearfully recounted her childhood filled with "domestic abuse."

"I was just playing, blowing bubbles with dish soap, and you beat me as soon as you got home from work..."

"It felt like, in your eyes, even breathing was a mistake."

I quickly cut off her melodramatic pity party.

"You were inhaling bug spray."

My daughter stared in disbelief, her eyes wide: "Then what about the time I kindly put lip balm on my cousin, and Dad wanted to hit me too?"

I rolled my eyes: "You used Super Glue."